Women Who Have Trouble Having an Orgasm Describe What Finally Worked for Them

It’s 2018, which means sexuality, especially amongst women, is becoming less taboo. Nowadays, more and more women are speaking up about their sexual dissatisfaction, and looking for ways to close the orgasm gap. Here, 15 women took to Reddit to share the tricks that finally helped them orgasm after spending too much time suffering in silence.

 

User Lustea. "Three words... Hitachi Magic Wand. It took three very long sessions, and my first orgasm was actually super subtle. Every time I tried after that my orgasms became more defined as I came to understand how my lady bits worked. I was still doing this with just my imagination at that point. When I moved onto p*rn and erotica, Holy sh*t. Those next few months there were days when I would do nothing but masturbate."

User bovinete. "Having a really great, considerate, accepting boyfriend who helped me past insecurities; he also isn't a selfish a**hole. First time with him I came five times, because I was so absolutely comfortable."

User KabukiHitSquad. "I was listening to the "Guys we Fucked" Podcast (on iTunes, Soundcloud, etc) and they were speaking with a ~25 year old former sex worker. She had plenty of sex in her life but never had an orgasm until last year. She had been a sexual being professionally for years, but had never been able to orgasm. What worked for her? Having a loving, patient boyfriend who didn't make it an all-consuming goal."

User justkeepswimmming. "Try taking deep, full breaths in and think about breathing all the way down to your clit. The difference that makes for me is insane!"

User CumbackChick. "When I gave up on that "end goal," then I found they started happening of their own accord throughout the course of sex. It seems like you're already working on that by not "putting pressure" on yourself, and that's awesome. Don't worry about having an orgasm. Don't think of it as an end goal. If you don't think about it at all then that's best (for me)."

User PrettySmartAndHumble. "Fantasizing is what works for me. Close your eyes, slide in a toy, rub your clit, let yourself fall into a fantasy. It's so much fun & my mind goes some strange places. It's a good way to sort out kinks too. Start with erotic lit & fan fic if you need some inspiration."

User FreakyBee. "My first orgasm was a complete accident...it came from lots of lube,being relaxed, and being on top. Something about the leg muscles being used in conjunction with vaginal contractions/spasms that really sets me over. I also was not thinking about coming, but just enjoying the time with my husband (then boyfriend). It took a lot more alone time after to figure out what really worked for me. It's one thing to have an orgasm and quite another to be able to replicate it 'on demand' so to speak. If you drink, a glass or two of wine may also help you relax and get in the mood."

User dewprisms. "On my own I have to use a vibrator. And it's exceedingly difficult for me to have a g-spot orgasm on my own because I find it hard to push past that overwhelming feeling that happens right before orgasm and "power through" so I have one- instead I end up laying off the pressure on my g-spot and then "lose" the orgasm. My husband, on the other hand, doesn't let up and can push me over the edge... it's just difficult to do when your hand is the one doing the work, and you're trying to concentrate on doing what you need to be done, not letting up, not wiggle away from yourself, etc."

User misspiggie . "The way you breathe is very important. For me to come any way I have to work just as hard as my partner in terms of breathing techniques and clenching. I breathe in while I clench my PC muscles."

User metalola. "OK, I skimmed the other answers and no one has brought up what I would say, so I'm going to say it. Find. Your. Inner. Slut. Try masturbating face down with a vibrator held still, then gyrate your hips against the vibe, press your face against a pillow and think of someone you think is so hot you would hump them, and then imagine humping them. Another exercise if that doesnt work, is to simply use your fingers and massage your whole vulva and clitoris slowly with lots of lube, and dont try to have an orgasm. JUST try and see how good you can make yourself feel, how erect you can make your clitoris and surrounding erectile tissue, and how wet you can make yourself. Eventually, you will naturally improve at this and may give yourself an orgasm the old fashioned way."

User teamcawkes. “Took me years to reach a vaginal orgasm even after I finally had a clitoral orgasm. Vaginal is hugely more satisfying, but for me clitoral is still the one I reach more often. Try a sex therapist, it can't hurt!"

Anonymous user. "Explore your interests when it comes to p*rn. You never know what you may be in to. And I cannot tell you enough how much the Hitachi has changed my life! I've never orgasmed either until I got one."

User BREEZE_BLOCKS. "So, I wouldn't say that I never come, but it's infrequent. Coming from someone who's not in a committed, monogamous relationship, but have an active sex life with a little black book, I am not always seeking out that deep connection that you discuss. I know that it's difficult for me to cum, but I still do love the act of sex. I know that constant and hard pressure is the only thing that'll get me over the edge, and frankly unless I've got time for a marathon session, it doesn't work out. I still get very turned on by sex; I still put their hands wherever I want them. I just focus on having fun. Plus, I'm a people pleaser, so watching others get off because of something I'm doing is satisfying enough. Do I wish I could cum every time? Yes. However, it's tough and I want sex. So one without the other is much better than none at all."

User monkees4va. "I enjoy sex for a whole different reason, and that's simply the intimacy. I love being f**ked, and I do get some pleasure out of it, but my favourite moment is always the post-coital cuddle. I'm also a kinky bugger; I switch with my SO and engage in everything from light BDSM to pegging and consensual non-consent. I find a whole other release from this kind of sex that I can't achieve alone. I love my SO and he loves me, and that's what makes the sex fantastic."

Anonymous user. "Soooo many women are convinved they cant have one, they have just let it go. I honestly believe most women can, but they have their own mental block about it. Its like female impotence. So, they just want to be happy enjouing what they have, get off from oral.or toys, and call it a day. Once a woman figures out what does it for them, they usually want to make sure they get there…"