The Four Levels of Orgasm

Orgasmic energy is one of the most powerful tools for healing, energizing and balancing every aspect of being – the mental, emotional, spiritual, physical, and, of course, sexual. In the teachings of the Sweet Medicine Chuluaqui Quodoushka from the Metis Deer Tribe, there are four levels of orgasm that can be experienced by both men and women.

In Quodoushka, as in all Tantric traditions, energy of orgasm is seen as more than just a release of pent-up tension in the body.

When two people come together to make love, it is through orgasm that they can feel an even deeper merging and oneness of being. They are in an expanded state of loving in which there are no boundaries. This is the magical state in which the two life force energies coming together truly create a new energy – Quodoushka Energy or Orende which can be used for healing, for manifesting desires into physical reality , for expanding the lairen or just for pleasure. (Sweet Medicine Chuluaqui Quodoushka)

Since orgasm is probably one of the most spiritual and sacred processes available to us as physical beings it is very valuable to realize that there are many different levels that can be attained. “ Of course the level reached will vary from orgasm to orgasm and is dependent on the Orende (Quodoushka Energy) generated, the alignment and openness between two people making love, or alignment with yourself if self-pleasuring, and the level that the energy reaches through the chakras.”

In this system there are five types of Female and Male Orgasmic Expressions and each can be experienced at any of the four levels listed below. I am describing just the basics of each level of orgasm here. As in the Quodoushka each level effects all levels of being in different ways.

First Level of Orgasm: At this level there is a moderate amount of physical satisfaction, but no real spiritual or heart connection. A desire to be held, cuddled and talked to may arise or a desire to be left alone. Your mind can be either talkative or shut-off. During orgasm there are involuntary contractions.

Second Level of Orgasm: At this level there is more physical satisfaction, release and balancing and the beginning of a spiritual and heart connection. There is a desire to give and nurture. This experience can be more meditative. The body is glowing, flushed and tingling.

Third Level of Orgasm: At this level there is much more fulfillment and connection in all aspects of our beings. There is a desire to give, stroke, cuddle and you may find yourself laughing. There is a wonderful camaraderie and joy in being together. You may find yourself moving into a dream state, then become talkative. The body is humming and vibrating.

Fourth Level of Orgasm: At this level there is a complete fulfillment and merging of all aspects of our beings. You may experience bliss and love for all, an open, pure heart/love-light connection to the Allness of life. You may find a cohesion with your partner and a merging of your energies.

This tradition, as you may be able to tell, has a complex way of expressing orgasmic energy. If you feel intrigued I highly suggest that you take a workshop to study these levels in more depth.

There is a rich tradition to be learned from this system and I hope that your interest has been wetted enough from my last article as well to take the time to learn more about the Chuluaqui Quodoushka.

Awakening the Full Body Orgasm - Better Sex Tonight

Tantra uses sexual energy to expand awareness and experience ecstasy. It teaches people how to move their sexual energy from their genitals, up to the top of their head, and everywhere in between, allowing the entire physical and energetic body to become ecstatic. When the sexual energy reaches the crown it can expand a persons awareness of the mystical realms, allowing them to recognize they are Divine Consciousness in human form.

A full body orgasm is the experience of feeling your whole body vibrating with orgasmic energy. This can be done outside of a sexual context as well as while making love. Anyone can learn how to have a full body orgasm by following the steps below.

7 steps for Opening the Inner Flute:

1) Stand with your knees hip width apart and slightly bent.

2) Breathe through your mouth and deep into the belly, allowing it to expand begin activating your sexual energy.

3) Once you have master the belly breath you can increase the intensity by inhaling as if you are sipping through straw. Exhale with an open mouth and release a deep sound from the belly. Sound also intensifies the expansion of energy.

4) Now, allow your pelvis to begin rocking. Keeping the knees bent, let your pelvis rotate freely. As you inhale rock the hips back, arching the small of the back. As you exhale, tuck the tail bone under, flattening the small of the back. Breath, sound and movement are the 3 Keys of Sky Dancing Tantra.

5) Next, add the PC pump. As you inhale squeeze the pelvic floor muscles pulling them upwards and as you exhale let them relax back down. It feels a bit like you are trying to stop and start a stream of urine. These are sometimes called Kegel exercises.

6) Put all the steps together. As you inhale imagine you are breathing the energy up from your root to your heart. Practice this until you feel the energy pulsing from your root to your heart. You can play with speeding up and slowing down your respiratory rate.

7) Once you have mastered connecting root and heart move the energy up to the crown. Practice until you can feel the energy flowing from your root to your crown. See yourself as a rainbow bridge of light connecting Earth and Sky.

This is a wonderful way to get your energy flowing. Once the Inner Flute is open you are ready to learn how to expand the energy and experience Full Body Orgasm. There are 3 steps to this process:

1) The Streaming Reflex helps you recognize that your body is made of ecstatic energy which you can stimulate and expand whenever you want to. You learn to experience orgasmic energy outside of a sexual context and discover that you can awaken your own pleasure body with out genital contact. The practice-You begin by standing with your feet hip width apart and knees bent. Allow your thighs to begin to vibrate side to side. Allow the vibration the spread up and down the body until your whole body is vibrating. It is helpful to do this with music, I recommend Osho's Kundalini Meditation CD.

2) The Ecstatic Response is the process of being relaxed in high states of arousal. You learn to become a bigger container for ecstatic energy and to relax fully letting the energy naturally expand. The effect is one of sexual excitement and deep peace. When you master the ecstatic response you move beyond the genital orgasm and discover the full body orgasm. The practice- After several minutes of your whole body streaming lay down on the floor with your knees bent and your feet close together. Let your knees gently fall apart like a butterflies wings opening. Allow your body to relax fully and continue to open and close your knees. This process allows the ecstatic energy to spread throughout the body. This is best done listening to gentle, relaxing music.

3) Once you mastered Opening the Inner Flute and the Full Body Orgasm outside a sexual context you can introduce these practices into your love making and experience them within a sexual context. Sex becomes an alchemical experience that transforms the physical body into the Bliss Body.

Exactly How to Use Kegels to Make Your Orgasms Stronger

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You’ve no doubt heard that doing your kegels is your ticket to a more intense O—but who actually does kegels on a consistent basis? And if you are doing them, how do you know if you’re doing them right? That’s where sex and relationship expert Emily Morse, founder of the new app Kegel Camp, comes in.

"Kegel exercises are so crucial for women to have good pelvic floor health"—but most women don’t do them (or don’t do them correctly), says Morse. Keeping those pelvic floor muscles strong can decrease the chances of urinary incontinence and other less-than-desirable private part, and just as importantly, it can heighten sensations during sex.

The fix? Try to start thinking about your vagina as another important muscle that needs your attention on a daily basis. Morse recommends beginning with exercises once a day for just five minutes. Simply clench the pee-stopping (pubococcygeus) muscles deep inside your vagina. Keep them tense and engaged for five to 10 seconds, then relax for five to 10 seconds. (So if you hold for seven seconds, take a break for seven seconds afterwards.) Start with shorter intervals, and build up until you can hold for 20 seconds.

As far as positioning goes, do whatever is comfortable and convenient for you (Morse notes that some women prefer lying down).

Once you've mastered doing kegels for five minutes once a day, start doing them twice a day for the same stretch of time. Morse says you should see—and feel—a difference in about three weeks.

These simple, unobtrusive exercises will strengthen and tone your vaginal muscles, which boosts your arousal both before and during sex, says Morse. The result? Many who practice kegels are able to climax in positions where they couldn't before, and some report being able to achieve multiple orgasms. Regularly exercising your vag will also help you more intense contractions during orgasm due to more blood being sent to your pelvic region.

Your partner will benefit, too: Kegels will help you get a better grip during intercourse so you can really hold tight onto your partner's penis.

Need help remembering to work out your lady bit? Morse’s Kegel Camp app sends a daily reminder to make it a regular habit. And if you want to take your pelvic wall strength to a whole new level, try weighted kegel balls from brands like LELO and Apex.

This Might Be the Worst Sex Toy Ever

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Just when we thought the sex toy industry couldn't get any more creative, we stumbled across this bizarre invention: a vibrating bike seat. Because that's exactly what was missing from your workout…more orgasms. 

This crazy contraption is available from Passion Fruit, a South African sex toy retailer that sells everything from lube to vibrators. The Happy Ride vibrating bike seat is actually a cover that can be fitted to your own ride, with a "discreet yet powerful" vibrator tucked inside. (Show of hands: Did anyone actually request more friction during their next bike ride?) It costs about 37 U.S. dollars and seems like a bike accident waiting to happen. Seriously, do you think you could juggle an orgasm and follow traffic rules at the same time? We didn't think so. 

We're all for feel-good toys, but there's no way you could use this without causing a crash or, at the very least, an embarrassing spectacle on your morning commute. Instead, try one of these 11 crazy new sex toys for some hot solo action—no helmet required. And if you're really hoping to get a stronger orgasm from your fitness efforts, try this better-sex workout. 

When Making Excuses Not to Have Sex Hurts Your Marriage

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When you're not in the mood, it's easier to feign fatigue than it is to muster up the energy for sex. Pretending you have a headache, saying you're exhausted, or just not feeling it are normal excuses we make to get out of sex. They are "sexcuses," if you will.

If this is something you're doing on the reg, you might have a real problem going on.

If you're making sexcuses constantly, you need to ask yourself why. If you don't want to have sex, it's likely because you're not getting what you want out of your sex life. Figure out what is holding you back. Sex is a valuable part of partnership. Having a good sex life may seem like a less important issue when there are so many others to consider, but this isn't true. Sex is as critical as any other component of a relationship. It deserves credit.

Here is how making excuses not to have sex can damage your relationship, and some advice on how to make sex better so you want to do it.

The more you put off sex, the less you want to do it

Have you found it easier to fake a headache than to climb on top for cowgirl? You may be doing harm to yourself over the long-term. Your body and brain work on the principle of "use it or lose it," explains Madeleine Castellanos, M.D, sex therapist and author of Wanting to Want: What Kills Your Sex Life and How to Keep It Alive. If you avoid sex, your body stops responding to pleasure in the same way. Your clitoris can become somewhat disengaged from the body and your vaginal muscles can atrophy.

Once you get in the habit of watching Netflix over bonding, it's simple to stay there. "The more you put off sex, the easier it becomes to skip it altogether," Castellanos explains. Regular, satisfying sex benefits your body and your mind, she points out, while "too many excuses starts a bad cycle of avoidance that only grows if left unchecked."

You don't want to end up in a loop of excuse > no sex > excuse > no sex. This is not healthy. You may think that having sex isn't a big deal, but it is. You're putting strain on your relationship by denying both yourself and your partner the chance to intimately bond.

Confronting the real issues

Getting what you want requires opening a dialogue. Women are often told to "take what they can get." We're not given agency to explore our pleasure or our bodies. If you think you don't enjoy sex, it's quite possible you're not giving your own body the attention is deserves.

Lying does not fix the problems in your sex life. It is a way to get out of dealing with the root of the issue. Exploring relationship concerns is not a highly pleasant experience—denial often feels like the quicker fix.

If you deny sex, you don't have to deal with the "why?" Are you getting what you want out of sex? If you were having regular orgasms and receiving the clitoral stimulation you need to enjoy sex, you'd be less likely to make an excuse to skip. Have you thought about this? Perhaps you did not even realize that a focus on your pleasure in an option. It takes two people to have an egalitarian sex life. You deserve to get what you want out of it as much as your partner.

Gloria Brame, Ph.D., sexologist and author of The Truth About Sex: A Sex Primer For The 21st Century tells Brides that excuses are lies and your partner is aware of it. "We know how frustrating and angering it is when someone seems to brush you off with dumb lies," Brame says. And when you decline sex with an fake excuse rather than communicating with your partner about the real issues, "you can get caught a cycle that leads to other fibs and misunderstandings, and it can herald the end of good communication," Brame warns, "which is so vital to a marriage's longevity."

If you're avoiding sex, you need to sit with yourself and figure out what is going on. "Avoiding sex repeatedly is like any other symptom of your body and mind trying to tell you that something is wrong," Brame explains. "It may be as simple as your life being out of balance, but it may point to more serious issues that need to be corrected. When your health, your life, and your relationship are balanced, there is a healthy desire and experience of sex that continues to add to your energy and happiness."

Explore some options. You might consider seeing a sex coach or therapist to work through what is troubling you. Masturbate and figure out what feels good for you. Here is a guide to making the most of self-love experiences.

Sex is absolutely fabulous for women when we take the time to venture into our own pleasure zones. Don't just make excuses, actively find ways to make your sex life better so you can be an excited participant.

5 Steamy Sex Games You Should Stay Home and Play This Valentine's Day

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Let’s face it: Valentine’s Day is a dumpster fire. Good luck trying to get dinner reservations before 9 p.m. unless you booked three months in advance or want to sit near the bathroom.

Instead of going out this February 14, make this V-Day a stay-in occasion. Skip the fancy (and usually uncomfortable) outfit and opt for some fancy lingerie instead—or better yet, nothing at all.

Considering the whole point of this holiday is to rekindle the romance and reconnect with sex, skip the expensive and annoying stuff and get to the part that’s actually fun. Plan a delicious meal, pick up a bottle (or a few) of pinot noir, and try out these steamy bedroom games that will have you wishing every day was Valentine's Day.

Adult Truth or Dare

It might sound quite simple, but Truth or Dare is actually an amazing and sexy game with your boo. If you allow ATOD to be less of a game, and instead a conduit to more sex exploration, it can broaden the whole horizon on your sexual fantasies. Grab some chocolate body paint and see where the night goes.

But don’t forget to read the house rules first! Check it out here.

A curious couple’s box that's full of adventure

If you’re looking for a sexy game to play, but aren’t sure what would work for you, try a wee bit of everything! Thankfully, the Curious Couple’s Box from Pleasure Chest has everything you need to customize your fun.

From sexy cards to a vibrator to some light bondage gear, this box is definitely going to make playtime all the more fun. Ready, set, go!

Sensory play or temperature play

Ever wondered how you could introduce your sex life to more sensory-focused activities? (Our sense of smell, touch, and hearing go absolutely wild when we take away sight.)

Have your partner place a silk blindfold on you and make a game out of driving you crazy. Have them draw circles over your nipples, inner thighs, backs of the knees, and neck. As soon as you can’t take anymore ... well, the game is over, if you know what we mean.

Or cool down to heat up. Buy glass toys, which are enhanced after a half hour in the freezer. If you’d rather keep it simple, just grab an ice cube! And if you’re interested in a little experimentation with heat, but don’t want to burn anyone, check out these delightful candles from the Wildflower Sex toy shop.

To learn more about how to use temperature play to your advantage this V-Day, check out our scintillating guide.

A luxury toy box that has a torturous twist

V-Day games don’t need to involve card tricks. Introducing, Orgasm Denial: a light BDSM game for couples. The tools? Lelo’s Indulge Me box and your ability to hold it together in the throes of passion. This box comes with a small, high-quality finger vibrator, a delightful feather tickler, and sexy, red silk blindfold. It’s basically a BDSM playkit for those who love it luxe.

To play this BDSM game, decide who is the Dom and who is the Sub. This means one of you is in control and the other is giving up control—with consent, of course. Set up a countdown method. Have your partner blindfold you and run the tickler all over your body ... before grabbing the vibe. You aren’t allowed to come until your partner says you can.

Once you feel close, they start counting back from 30, making you wait for it. If you get close to going over the edge, they pull the vibrator away and build you up again.

When the clock hits zero, everybody wins. Before you play this game, and if you’re a kink novice, read our BDSM guide for beginners.

Domin8, a board game for couples

With this BDSM adult board game, you will be truly inspired. This game has 24 preconceived scenarios to make all of you bondage dreams come true.

You set up the Domin8 domino tiles the way you would a regular game of dominos. “Partners build a domino trail to ecstasy by alternating turns, laying icon domino tiles face up. In order to place your tile, the icon must match one of the icons on the tile previously laid,” the description reads.

We hope this goes without saying, but always establish personal boundaries before getting too into a game. What makes this particular game so unique is that it really is a game up until the end. You’re building your own fantasy, together. Valentine’s Day is all about exploring your partnership and appreciating each other—and who said that can't involve some spanking?