Research Suggests Sex And Alcohol Make Us Happier Than Kids And Religion

Most of us have been led to believe that growing up with virtuous ideals is the key to living a fulfilled life. We're taught to respect family, go to church on Sundays and, above all things, say no to drugs — and god forbid we disappoint the late Nancy Reagan. As it turns out, though, assuming you want to get through life with a smile on your face and a skip in your step, maybe not all of these values are as fulfilling as they seem. When you've got sex, drugs and rock 'n roll, a competition isn't really fair. Keep reading to learn more about the research that suggests sex and alcohol make us happier than kids and religion.

With success in mind. Most of us have been raised with one basic goal in mind: to lead a successful life. In terms of success, that can include health, monetary wealth, maturity and respect, to name a few things, but it may be leaving out one vital ingredient. Had the way that most of us have been raised taken into account our happiness? Considering the current state of the world, that remains to be seen.

Mature adults. While our parents were hardly trying to set us up for futures filled with absolute misery (aside from all the aforementioned successes), they may have inadvertently missed the mark on happiness. With so much focus on faith and family, they disregarded two components that may be more necessary to overall happiness than our parents ever bothered considering.

Party animals. While so many people spend their lives seeking out “noble” values and lifestyles, they may very well be denying themselves a life of happiness. Because, as it turns out, it's not faith or family that's going to give you an endorphin boost, it’s (maybe unsurprisingly) sex and alcohol.

Surprise, surprise. You may be rolling your eyes at this information, but that's only if you're already quite the happy camper (considering sex and drinking is already very much part of your lifestyle). All over the world, people are as devoted to their religion and children as you are to your one-night stands and cocktails, so while it may not be much of a shock to you, you're not exactly the only one at the party, so to speak.

Gathering the data. To clarify for people which sort of lifestyle was more likely to make them happy, researchers from the University of Canterbury in New Zealand got their hands dirty, according to the Daily Mail. Led by Carsten Grimm (who, by the sound of her last name, likely followed a bloodline that was very much against the sex and alcohol approach), researchers collected data through text messages, creating an information map to determine what sort of activities bring them the most joy. Sex reigned supreme.

Breaking it down. Since happiness isn't quite as simple as smiling and feeling fuzzy feelings, the team broke it down into three parts. There was pleasure, meaning and engagement. Sex took the number one spot in all all three, and was followed by alcohol, also in all three. So it's safe to say that the pursuit of happiness is filled with quite a bit of debauchery and hangovers.

Three for three. According to the results of the study, when someone scores high on all three parts ultimately tend to have a more rewarding and satisfying life. As long as they have some limits, at least. Sex, after all, can cause quite a few diseases, and getting blackout drunk is only even remotely entertaining when you're in college.

Age-wise. Whereas most studies tend to take into account the opinions of specific age groups, this one was a bit… random. So, whether or not this data applies to all age groups, just one or a variety of age groups remains to be seen. For now, it seems as though we’ll all just have to assume that drinking and have sex is good for all of us. Which, in itself, should make us all happy.

False prophet. Now, this shouldn’t discredit anyone’s interest in religion or having children. Obviously. It’s just a study culling the opinions of various people — not a majority. So if you religion and your children make you happy, then dammit, be happy. Unless you’re the type of person who’s accustomed to doing whatever everyone else is doing.

Sad drunk. If you’ve ever gotten drunk before or been around people who have been drunk, then you’re likely well aware of the effect that it has on people — the effect that is far from happy. Even though drinking might rank high in what makes people happy, truth be told, it’s really doing the opposite to you. At least if, you know, you want to take science’s word for it.

Drinking depressants. Even though people usually drink to have a good time, alcohol is first and foremost a depressant. According to Mental Floss, this doesn’t actually mean it’s making you clinically depressed, but it is, however, slowing down your central nervous system, which, in turn, is messing with the way you think. Ultimately, it can make you sad.

From happy to sad. After you’ve knocked back your first two or three drinks, you’re most likely riding something of a drunk high. This is the good part, obviously. But after you’ve drunk a bit too much, that’s when your brain starts to nosedive. Pretty much everything that’s going through your brain is being exaggerated. Good is great and bad is f*cking horrible. Which is why drunk people tend to cry and get into fights, etc.

Kids. As far as kids go, being a parent can be an incredibly rewarding experience. But is it a happy one? That’s a tough to say. Most parents say that having a child completes them; it gives them the family they’ve always wanted. But plenty of studies, like one conducted by Jennifer Glass, Robin Simon and Matthew Anderson, from the University of Texas, Wake Forest University and Baylor University, respectively, have discovered that having kids can actually make you less happy, according to the Washington Post.

The worst of the worst. Now, back to the study — if there's going to be a top spot, then it's only fair that there have to be some losers. According to the results, being on Facebook and cleaning around the house pretty much lost, and being sick took the absolute lowest rank. Which, , really, should only surprise no one at all.

Loving life. So, while these results aren't exactly something you'd expect schools to promote to better a student’s life, this information is still worth taking into consideration as an adult. It's basically saying that loosening up and having a bit of fun will you quite a bit of good. Be successful, definitely, but if you have a chance at happiness, take it.