Things Women Wish Straight Men Understood About Performing Oral Sex On Straight Men

Every guy on this planet enjoys oral, but does ever once take into consideration how his female partner feels about  them? In short, probably not. Guys are too caught up in how amazing it all feels to really care about anything, least of all somebody's feelings. So it's time all of the fellas out there get schooled. Giving oral is something women do because they like their man, but it deserves some damn appreciation. So sit down, boys, and listen up. Here are things women wish straight men knew about performing oral sex on men.

Blow me. First of all, men everywhere need to understand that a female’s mouth is not some toy they can use at their disposal. Giving oral can be as sexy for us as it is for you men out there, but it needs to be approached with respect first and foremost. That being said, as fun as it can be, it can also be a damn pain.

Big mouth. Penises don’t have to be giant for them to necessarily hurt our mouths. When you have your mouth stretched open for a long enough time, it’s going to start bothering anyone, and that’s exactly what happens whenever head happens.

Time. Oral takes for-f*cking-ever. Seriously. It’s understandable that a guy has an easier time orgasming when he’s having sex because he can control how hard he “pumps,” but god dammit. Your beards are growing faster than the time it takes for those swimmers to hit the back of our throats.

Kinks in the neck. Giving oral hurts. When you’re repeatedly moving your head up and down for a long period of time, it takes a toll. So guys everywhere need to understand this. Give us some credit, because we deserve it. Also, pay for a massage session every time we do this…

Slurp. These awkward noises don’t make us feel sexy. At all. When we’re trying to be sexy, the idea of slurping and making choking noises makes us feel a little disgusting, to be honest. There’s nothing pretty about any of this.

Perspective. We’ve seen adult videos of women giving head, and they never look cute. Their mouth looks sucked in and their eyes make them look like deer in headlights. The point is, we know that this is what we look like, and we hate it.

Thirsty. We’re using a hell of a lot of saliva to make your penis feel good, and all of that spit usage is making us thirsty, dammit! So keep a glass of water at the ready. This is not our job. So, come on. Hop to it.

Face f*cking? No thank you. If we’re going to blow you, we’re going to blow you. You’re not allowed to hump our face like we’re talking vaginas. Have some freaking respect. It’s not sexy having anything pound into mouths, nor is it comfortable.

Gag. You know when you go to the doctor’s and they put that wooden stick into your mouth? Makes you gag a little, right? Well, imagine it much larger, much thicker and much deeper. That’s a d*ck. So give us a break, OK?

Jawsome. Though this may not be an actual fact, oral create serious issues with the jaw. You need to give your women more credit when they agree to risk the health of their jaws just to help you orgasm that salty nastiness into their mouths.

Choking. First of all, it’s pretty much impossible to suck a d*ck with a stuffy nose — for obvious reasons. So all of the hard work we’re doing needs to be recognized. Sometimes, we go for a long time feeling like we’re hardly getting enough air into our lungs to even breathe successfully.

Penis phlegm. Semen is essentially phlegm. Let’s all be perfectly honest. So let’s all stop pretending that swallowing your orgasm is sexy — because it’s not. It’s a sticky goo that shoots out of your penis. It’s not gold that’s falling out of heaven. Let’s all get some perspective, OK?

To swallow or not to swallow. The anxiety that comes with deciding whether to spit or swallow is more real than you can possibly imagine. It always happens so damn suddenly that our brain has to work on overtime. If we spit, the taste still lingers. If we swallow, it sticks to back of our throats. If we do neither, we risk getting hit in the face.

Don’t speak. Please stop asking us questions when we’re hard at work on you. We don’t want to stop sucking because we get it that it’ll ruin the build-up, but we also don’t want to try saying “Yeah, baby” with a giant c*ck in our mouths. It’s insulting.

What about me? Believe it or not, fellas, girls get horny too. So stop being selfish. Sure, we’ll blow. Whatever. We like you. But we can’t always do it till you come, because that’s not always going to happen (let’s be honest). At some point, we’re going to want to sit on that thang.