7 Habits of Highly Sexual Couples

STOCKSY

Have you ever wondered what makes your horny couple friends so into each other? It’s like, they’ve been married for over a decade and still can’t seem to keep their hands off of each other. How do you maintain such a sexy sex life forever and always?

Highly sexual couples don’t usually get that way on accident. It’s part of their commitment to each other. Chemistry shifts and changes over time, so expecting to be in that can’t-get-my-hands-off-you mode that was common in the beginning of your marriage forever isn’t realistic.

Does that mean you can’t have an amazing, hot, filthy sex life? Nope. You sure can! Here are some habits of highly sexual couples. Read, learn, and embrace. We all deserve good sex, don’t we?

They commit to foreplay

Couples who have a lot of sex aren’t the couples who rush through the motions to “get it over with.” That’s not a sexually content couple, that’s just depressing. A highly sexual couple commits to foreplay as a part as an overall sexual experience.

Women require clitoral stimulation in order to have an orgasm. This is easiest with oral sex. Plus, she’ll be properly lubed up and aroused to enjoy intercourse. Couples who value their sex lives value giving each other head (or whatever foreplay things you like). And enjoy it.

They have a sex schedule

Couples who have an amazing sex life know that waiting to be “in the mood” is how you wind up falling into a sexual rut. Sex is an important part of healthy relationships. Even if you don’t feel like having it, you should. Regularly.

It keeps intimacy alive and allows you to feel close. Plus, the more you push yourself to have sex, the more you will be in the mood. Maintenance sex is crucial for healthy couples.

They touch each other a lot

Highly sexual couples engage in a lot of intimacy. And not just sex! We mean holding hands, kissing, cuddling regularly, and maybe even the occasional butt squeeze. Intimate gestures keep you connected on an emotional and physical level.

One of the things we crave most as human beings is wanting to feel wanted. Showing your partner affection let’s them know that you love and value you them. When you feel loved, valued, and attractive to your partner, you’re going to want to have more sex.

They know sex isn’t always perfect

Sex isn’t perfect every single time. You have to rush through it occasionally, sometimes you’re stressed and tired, and other times something just isn’t working for you in bed. Couples who have great sex lives know this.

There isn’t pressure to perform or make every time they have sex the best sex in the history of the world. Embracing realistic understandings of sexuality is a huge part of having good sex.

They take care of each other’s sexual and emotional needs

Good sex means not always being selfish. You can be selfish in bed sometimes (hey, dominance is pretty hot), but not always. Empathy is a key ingredient in the sex lives of couples who get it on a lot.

Anticipating your partner’s needs and caring about them is crucial. Not only that, but communicating those needs and asking them what they want is a big part of good sex.

Too often one person has an orgasm and is like, “Hm. OK. Well, sex is over now.” That is not fair. Both people deserve to enjoy sex to the fullest and, when possible, have an orgasm. If you don’t associate sex with pleasure, why would you want to do it?

They’re super comfortable with each other

In order to have a hot, sexy, dirty, amazing sex life, you need to have a trusting and loving relationship. Both partners need to feel comfortable in their own skin, feel able to discuss fantasies and desires, and not worry about the occasional awkwardness that comes with sex.

When you’re comfortable with your partner, you’re willing to be more experimental and try new things. Novelty is a big part of a hot sex life. Couples who have trust and care for one another are couples who can explore new sex things with ease.

They are best friends

Couples who have a ton of sex aren’t just partners in marriage, they are best friends. They laugh together and are each other’s favorite people. Marrying your best friend may sound like a pipe-dream, but it really isn’t.

If you spouse isn’t your best friend and also the person you want to do all the sex with, what’s the point? Build your friendship. Having more in common than just sex makes for a better sex life.

7 Women Share Times They Preferred Masturbation Over Partnered Sex

LYUBA BURAKOVA / STOCKSY UNITED

Happy Masturbation Month! May is a wonderful time of year to celebrate the coming of spring, warm weather, and of course, self-love. Masturbation is a delightful (and free!) part of life that continues from the time we discover it as pre-teens—with the mystical shower head, likely—into our relationships, and throughout life with marriage and kids.

That’s right:Masturbation doesn’t have to stop just because you’re in a relationship! It is its own sex act, completely separate from intercourse, hand sex, oral sex, etc. Sometimes we masturbate with our partners, sometimes we do it alone. Sometimes we masturbate because we need a quick release, other times we masturbate to make up for a difference in libido. Other times we masturbate because we need some alone time with our vibrators without the pressure of pleasing another person.

Whatever your reason, it’s perfectly normal. To illustrate that point, here are seven real women on times they’ve preferred masturbation over partnered sex. We've all been there.

[I’ve] been with my husband for sight years now. Sometimes we BOTH prefer masturbation to sex. Not that we aren’t sexually attracted anymore, 'cause trust me, we are. But, sometimes, I’m honestly too tired to have full blown sex. Sometimes, I just want to do it myself.
-Taylor, 26

I prefer bedtime sex, but he says that's when he's too tired, and he prefers morning sex. Although my mornings are busy and rushed, I try to oblige him, but I usually feel groggy, unattractive and with "morning breath."

Most of the time, due to these issues, I have problems with reaching orgasm. Sometimes, I can indeed climax, with a little help. But most of the time, our sessions are fast and finished too quickly before I can even get worked up for that goal. Because I'm usually frustrated, and/or I'm tired of the rejection and drama of it. I just prefer to masturbate and stopped initiating altogether.
-Rachel*, 47

Micropenis. I had to do reverse cowgirl, and as a pillow queen I was mad, mad!
-Kella, 29

[In] spring 2018, I was with someone who was extremely lazy in bed, and I was close to tears because I just wanted sex (and an orgasm!!!) and he had applied one of those “shock” gels to my clitoris (you know what I’m talking about) and that thing was fire. So, he decided to give up fairly soon into getting started and decided we would try again later.

But it had already been applied and my clitoris was burning, and I just needed relief, so I snuck off to the bathroom and relieved myself (and my spirit). I came back and he knew what had happened. He was upset that I had “stolen my orgasm from him” and he literally was still angry hours later.

We broke up the next day and my sex life has dramatically improved.
-Galilee, 23

I like masturbating, but I like when my partner and I do it together. Sometimes we’re both just too damn tired to get it together for sex. I’m still very into to him and find him very sexy, but masturbation is just easier. It’s nice when we’re together. We talk dirty to each other and watch each other. It is actually super hot. It’s better when we make out a lot, and he touches my breasts and thighs. It doesn’t feel like I’m missing anything.

-Sara, 29

[I prefer masturbating] a whole lot lately.
-Rebecca, 36

My second marriage; I was 28-34 at the time. He wouldn’t do oral. I met him before I had a list of deal breakers made. My extra alone time did help me realize I didn’t need (want) him though.
-Ama, 44

Have Great Sex… Even When You Don't Have an Orgasm

DONNA TROPE

Orgasms are elusive. Most women don't have one every time (or maybe even most times) they hit the sheets. Plenty of surveys—and likely your own bedroom experience—verify that. But that doesn't mean sex without the grand finale is an exercise in futility. Far from it.

In fact, on the occasions when you know you're just not going to climax or when you're just not motivated enough to strive for it, there are ways to simply enjoy the valleys without hitting the peak. Lots of women are discovering that it's smart to appreciate sex for more than just the last 10 seconds. So go ahead, don't get off—and love every minute of it.

Why Orgasms Go MIA
"For me to have an orgasm, I have to be feeling it before foreplay even starts," says Jamie*, 27, a newlywed in Doylestown, Pennsylvania. "I have to put in a lot of effort, and the stars have to align. But I feel satisfied knowing that my husband is satisfied every time." It's a situation that many women can relate to, and one backed by stats. According to research, women in relationships orgasm about 80 percent as often as men in relationships (for women in casual hookup situations, it's closer to 50 percent as often).

Researchers have coined this discrepancy "the orgasm gap" and have determined a few key factors for its existence. You probably don't need science to tell you that climaxing is tougher without clitoral stimulation, but you may not realize that overstimulation or the wrong kind of stimulation of your central nervous system, which controls sexual excitement and inhibition, is an orgasm killer. Stress or a poorly timed "Wait, why is the cat staring at us like that?" observation is all it takes to cause overstimulation—at least for women. (And speaking of stress: "Worrying about whether or not an orgasm will happen can activate your stress response, which can make you feel less turned on," says Emily Nagoski, Ph.D., a sex educator in Massachusetts.) Guys were blessed with evolution-aided blinders that make the cat (or annoying e-mail pings, a weird humming sound, whatever) nonfactors in the moment. "Men had to orgasm for the good of the species," says Laura Berman, Ph.D., author of The Passion Prescription. "That means their brains are primed to tune out all distractions. Women's aren't." (How come evolution is never on our side?)

How to Enjoy the Ride
What isn't reflected in these stats is the enjoyment some women derive just from the experience of having intercourse. "I rarely orgasm, and I don't care," says Jenna, 29, who is single in New York City. "I'm on anti-anxiety medication, and while it has definitely affected my ability to climax, it hasn't affected how much I enjoy sex."

That's not to say you should actively deny yourself an orgasm—that would be like stifling a sneeze, but worse—and if you've never had one and you want to have one, that's something you should discuss with your partner, says Debby Herbenick, Ph.D., author of Because It Feels Good.

But putting mid-act pressure on yourself every time could mean that you're missing out on pleasure in the moment. "Research shows that women can climb between sexual-desire stages, from excitement to plateau to orgasm, then back to excitement," says Berman. Focus too much on the end point and you'll end up brushing past the pleasing plateau. (Although it may sound flat, the plateau is actually when arousal is at its peak and your body is savoring your partner's touch the most—a pretty sweet place to linger.)

Play Close to the Edge
The key to a no-gasm experience that's anything but "eh" is to amp up your arousal early and stay there as long as possible. You'll know when you're there by the text test: If your phone buzzed, you'd be more annoyed by the interruption than curious who it was, says Stephen Snyder, M.D., an associate clinical professor of psychiatry at Mount Sinai School of Medicine. Heed these tips to enter a heightened state.

Don't get undressed. Leaving your clothes on helps take the focus off orgasm and keep it on foreplay. Get to maximum arousal by straddling his leg and grinding your pubic bone against his thigh as you make out, says sex educator Emily Morse, author of Hot Sex: Over 200 Things You Can Try Tonight. The pressure directly stimulates your clitoris while giving you total control of the rhythm.

Hit the shower. Getting wet and sudsy helps you find erogenous zones you may not have realized you had. Ask your guy to rub down your back and shoulders with a sponge, then have him switch to his bare hands as he moves to your breasts and works his way lower. "The different sensations of the water and the body wash, plus the anticipation of his hands on your skin after the sponge, will all add to your pleasure," says Morse.

Show off. "Part of a woman's pleasure during sex comes from feeling desired," says Snyder. Climb on top of him, lean over the bathroom counter as he enters you from behind, or put on a solo show and touch yourself: Watching him watch you provides an awesome view of how much he wants you.

Rewind. . .and ratchet up. If he has already climaxed, go back to the stuff you love during foreplay, only take it up a notch by adding a toy or playing with hot and cold sensations by having him use ice or warming lube as he touches you. "When you're turned on, your brain is open to new experiences, so situations that might have made you self-conscious when you weren't aroused can be extremely sexy," says Nagoski. If you start getting restless, or if the friction begins to veer more toward "ouch" than "OMG," have him give you a back rub or massage to transition toward ending the action so you don't feel like you stopped abruptly.

Expose yourself. Have sex with the windows open or get it on in the backyard under a blanket. The novelty can make it hard to concentrate on the climax. . .but that's because your brain is paying attention to the we-could-be-caught-at-any-moment thrill, which adds intensity to the encounter, says Morse.

Stop Faking It!
Ironically, it's guys who might end up most frustrated by your no-gasm. Eighty-seven percent of the Men's Health readers who answered our survey felt it was their responsibility to bring their partner to orgasm, and 34 percent automatically assumed that if it didn't happen, the sex was bad.

But don't brush up on your Oscar-worthy Orgasm face just yet. Every single sexologist we asked (three men and four women) were adamantly against faking it. "There's already a lot of confusion about sexual functioning and response between the sexes without adding deceit," says Richard Wagner, Ph.D., a Seattle-based sexologist. And guys agreed—in the poll, 68 percent didn't want you to fake it. 

This Hard to Reach Spot Could Give You a Massive Orgasm

By now you’re probably familiar with how to give yourself an amazing clitoral O and even work towards that elusive G-spot orgasm. But there’s another mysterious erogenous zone that you probably haven’t tapped into yet: the A-spot.

Right along with the Loch Ness Monster and Miley Cyrus's relationship status, there's speculation as to whether the anterior fornix erogenous zone(the less sexy name for the "A-spot") is a thing. "Since women report sensitivity in this area, some researchers believe it's a pleasure zone," says Yvonne K. Fulbright, Ph.D. and author of The Better Sex Guide to Extraordinary Lovemaking.

Those experts think that striking A-spot gold can give you the most massive, long-lasting orgasm yet, says Fulbright. And because we truly care about your Os, we set out to get the scoop.

A-Spot Origins
The A-spot is found deep inside the vagina, just a few inches past the G-spot between the cervix and the bladder. Apparently, stroking this area can help women get wetter faster. "It’s made up of a patch of sensitive tissue that lubricates when stimulated," says Ava Cadell, Ph.D., certified sex counselor and founder of Loveology. You can locate it the same way you would with a G-spot. A good rule of thumb is to find the G-spot [with your finger] (beginner directions here) and then go deeper, she says. If you continue to hit that spot just right, you’ll get an intense orgasm that lasts about 20 seconds longer than any other one. Cadell says that hitting the A-spot should feel similar to the G-spot, wihtout the need-to-pee sensation. Interesting.

The Caveat
But not everyone is on board with the A-spot’s existence. "I’ve never seen any proof anatomically of the existence of the spot," says Mary Jane Minkin, M.D., clinical professor of obstetrics and gynecology at Yale School of Medicine. Though she says that there are some areas of the vagina that are more sensitive than others, she can't define one spot in your hoo-ha as crazy-orgasm central.

Another theory: That stimulation women feel deep inside is actually coming from the cervix (see: the C-spot), not the anterior fornix, says Leah Millheiser, M.D., director of the female sexual medicine program at Stanford University's School of Medicine. The nerves in the pelvic area responsible for orgasms supply the fibers found in the cervix, and when the cervix (or the area around it) is stimulated, those nerves activate sexual arousal, she says. 

How to Bring Your A Game
Sure, there are mixed opinions as to whether the spot exists, but if you’re a little curious (and why wouldn’t you be?), there’s no harm in giving it a go. Since it’s deeper than the G-spot, it may take a little effort and exploration, says Cadell. But the payoff is major.

Fulbright suggests inserting your index finger and gently stroking halfway up the front wall in an in-and-out motion. As you become lubricated, the strokes should become longer, with the finger running along the entire length of the vaginal wall, says Fulbright. You can also use a curved wand vibrator to access this area—but take it slow, she says. "Make sure that you're turned on before you start to poke around up there," says Fulbright.

If you’re trying to nail this spot during intercourse, Cadell says you can successfully achieve it with doggy styleand missionary sex positions. If you're doing the latter, prop a pillow up under your butt to get his penis angled up towards your cervix, she says.

Proceed with Caution
Like with any new sex trick, achieving this O requires tons of patience and persistence, so take it easy! And since this treasure hunt leads deep inside the vagina, you may find it uncomfortable at first. If that's the case and you still feel like exploring, Cadell recommends giving it a few tries before throwing in the towel. Keep in mind that every woman is different, so it's possible that it might not happen for you. While it's fun to go on a scavenger hunt for mind-blowing Os, don't feel bad if you can't retrieve this one.