Penis goes where during sex?

Dear Alice,
My new girlfriend and I had sex for the first time this weekend. Later in the evening, she was curious about something... "Where is that thing going???" she asked. She mentioned that full insertion was painful and she wanted to know what I was hitting, and "how far does it go?" Being admittedly a bit rusty on my knowledge of the anatomy of the female body, I told her that I thought it went no further than the "uvula" (whatever that is), but that I would do a little research, maybe see what I could get off the Net and get back to her.
— Need Directions

Dear Need Directions,
Since first times don't come with an instruction manual (e.g., insert peg A into slot B), sexual mechanics can be exciting or just plain confusing. It’s not clear whether it’s your first time together or one or both of your first time ever having sex. In any case, brushing up on anatomy and physiology may be just the ticket for both of you and pave the way for more pleasurable experiences in the future.
When you mentioned the uvula, perhaps you meant the vulva, or outer genitals for those assigned female at birth. These visible parts include:
•The inner and outer labia (the lips surrounding the vagina)
•The tip of the clitoris
•The clitoral hood or covering
•The opening of the urethra (where pee comes out)
•The opening of the vagina
There’s even more that’s not easily visible to the naked eye, which gets at the heart of your question. During vaginal sex (penetration), the penis goes into the vagina. The vaginal walls are made of soft tissue that molds around a penis, fingers, tampons, or other object placed there. The length of the vagina varies, but it's not "endless." The vagina stops at the cervix, a button-shaped entrance to the uterus (womb). Your penis may be "hitting" or bumping up against the cervix, which could be the source of your partner's discomfort.

Sex may be uncomfortable, especially during the first few rounds, but it doesn't have to be painful. Have you thought about slowing down or shifting gears? Would sex be more fun, and less confusing, if you spend some time getting to know the ins and outs of each other’s bodies first? When you and your girlfriend feel ready for take two, ample foreplay and lubrication can go a long way towards a more enjoyable sexual experience. For example, during arousal, the vagina will often lubricate, making penetrative sex more comfortable and it typically stretches out, which decreases the chances of "bumping into" the cervix. Also, a key component to sex is communicating before, during, and after to let each other know what does and doesn’t feel good — and it seems like you both have the beginnings of open and honest communication already. For more ways to minimize sexual discomfort and maximize pleasure, Our Bodies, Ourselves and Scarleteen may provide some enlightening reading.
If you or your girlfriend are still curious, you can talk with a health care provider about your anatomy quandaries. This may also be a great opportunity to be up-to-date with your respective sexual health check-ups, ensuring that each of your moving parts are in tip-top shape. For example, having a genital infection can result in pain and discomfort during sex. So, checking off sexually transmitted infection (STI) testing, pelvic exam, and pap test from the list (as necessary and indicated) is wise. Other reliable sources of information include a reproductive health care provider, a human sexuality text in your local bookstore, and Planned Parenthood.
As you and your girlfriend embark on a sexploration of possibility in the future, you may have questions about how your bodies work. A foundation in human biology, sexual health, and clear communication will give you a better idea of what you're, um, getting into.
Alice!

Where is the clitoris?

1) Hi Alice,
I have a stupid question. Where is the clitoris located exactly in the female's genitalia? If it differs per woman, what is the easiest way to locate it?
Thanks,
 Can't find
2) Dear Alice,
I really don't know where the clitoris is. I have tried many times to touch my girlfriend's clitoris, but she can't feel anything. Of course, she can't get any feeling from intercourse. What can I do now?
— Searching for the Wild Clitoris

Dear Can't find and Searching for the Wild Clitoris,
The clitoris may be a bit elusive to folks who haven't fully explored their partner's or their own body. Being the only body part to have the sole function of pleasure, it’s no wonder people wish to find it — and there are some insights to improve your seeking skills that are worth sharing. For starters, consider taking a look at a human sexuality textbook, or you can check out these diagrams from Scarleteen to orient yourself to this particular part. But it’s worth considering the journey along with your desired destination; while the clitoris has a lot of clout when it comes to sexual sensations, it may not be the summit of all that sizzles for every body.
As for the location of the clitoris, here are the ins and outs: typically, the place to start will be towards the top of the labia (the outer and inner skin folds), but below the mons pubis (the fatty tissue where pubic hair grows above the pubic bone). This is where a small piece of skin, called the clitoral hood is often found. You might guess what you might find beneath the hood — the glans of the clitoris, which is the external part and the one that is most often stimulated for pleasure. Yes, that’s right — there’s more beneath the surface! The external clitoris is just the tip of a branching interior system of erectile tissue that runs down towards the vaginal opening. This tissue responds to sexual arousal by filling with blood and becoming harder and erect. In turn, the external part of the clitoris will actually swell and retract underneath the clitoral hood — and this process of stimulation and arousal may also aid in its discovery because it may make it more visible. Beyond those who have experienced clitoral mutilation, the size and shape of the clitoris varies amongst folks who have a vulva, although its location remains fairly consistent.

The clitoris is the focus of pleasure sensation for many and may also be what is primarily stimulated to spur an orgasm. Identifying the clitoris may or may not be simple to do by touch, but paying close attention to your (or your partner’s) reactions may help you figure out if you're in the area or touching your partner in ways that they enjoy. If you’re asking about a partner, you might try talking with them about whether they enjoy clitoral stimulation. If they are, they're also likely to be your #1 personal tour guide to this pleasure point. For directions on this scenic route, you might put your partner's hand on top of yours to guide you. Searching for the Wild Clitoris, this may be an opportunity for you both to discover more about each other's likes and dislikes as well as each other's anatomy together. Have fun exploring each other's bodies — and remember that the more you learn is for their pleasure!
After the discovery has occurred, pleasurable stimulation of the clitoris may happen through a number of different modes including (but not limited to) rubbing, sucking, applying pressure, or using a vibrator or a dildo. Again, if partnered contact is being considered, communication is key to voice likes and dislikes. If this joyride is a solo one, pay attention to what feels good and what doesn’t. Although some people like direct touching on the glans of the clitoris, others find it's uncomfortable or too intense. Using a lubricant may ease friction (and add fun for you and your partner), but even still, some folks may find the glans to be too sensitive for direct touch. Further, focusing directly on the clitoris may also cause pleasurable sensations to disappear. So instead, indirect contact by rubbing on one or both sides of the clitoris, or wetting your fingers and rubbing them around and over the clitoris may be the ticket to pleasuretown. Gently rubbing or pulling the clitoris itself, or rubbing the hood or a larger area around the clitoris might also spark sensation. It’s worth it to try different styles and speeds to see what fits the feel-good bill for yourself or a partner.
All of this may lead folks, such as yourself, to the destination they were seeking and some ideas on what they might see and do when they get there. However, it’s also good to keep in mind that no matter where titillations take place on the body (clitoris or elsewhere), it’s the human brain that orchestrates and is responsible for the experience of pleasure and orgasms. So, just as what feels good when stimulating the clitoris varies from person to person, any feel-good vibes derived from stimulating other parts of the body will vary among different folks, too. As such, there's no need to limit yourself to just one focal point. Rather, consider yourself and any partner a painter’s palette for pleasure — one that inspires many options and combinations for body and mind delights. For more ideas on what and where to stimulate, check out the Go Ask Alice! Sexual & Reproductive Health archives, particularly the Genital Wonderings and Orgasms categories.

Traumatic masturbatory syndrome (TMS)?

Dear Worried about TMS,
Although it may be a bit of a touchy subject, rest assured that traumatic masturbatory syndrome isn't as scary as it sounds. In 1998, Dr. Lawrence Sank proposed a theory of sexual dysfunction called traumatic masturbatory syndrome (TMS) in which individuals with penises experienced delayed erectile dysfunction and delayed orgasms (anorgasmia). Dr. Sank attributed this syndrome to the fact that the subjects usually masturbated while lying face down — those assigned male at birth tended to rub their penises against their hand, the surface of the floor, bed, pillow, or whatever they were laying on, in order to ejaculate. Once they were re-trained to masturbate laying face up with their penises in their hands, their anorgasmia and erectile dysfunction supposedly became a thing of the past. It’s worth noting that this theory isn’t widely recognized in the medical community, and there hasn't been follow-up research to see if his claims are valid. If you still have some musings about masturbation and sexual function, read on!
Masturbating is healthy and common, as long as you're not getting hurt and it's not negatively interfering with other aspects of your life. It’s generally a low-risk sexual practice, although masturbating very vigorously can occasionally cause cuts, soreness, or bruising. Some objects may have shapes or properties that make them less-than-ideal masturbatory aids (such as citrus fruits or scratchy fabrics) and could cause irritation or pain. Some individuals with penises are concerned about their member breaking, but that’s extremely rare and only occurs when the penis is severly twisted. If people with penises masturbate a lot in a short period of time, it's also possible that an increase in fluids in penis could cause it swell, which, while alarming in appearance, will likely go away on its own in a couple of days.

For those having problems getting and maintaining an erection or ejaculating, researchers suggest there may be a number of emotional, psychological, or physical causes. Various health conditions may lead to people having trouble with sexual functioning, such as Parkinson's or multiple sclerosis. From the psychological perspective, for example, certain selective seratonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs), which are often prescribed as antidepressants, can lead to anorgasmia or other complications with sexual functioning. Additionally, it may also occur due to age, alcohol use, or smoking. From an emotional perspective, some may have trouble orgasming with a partner if there are communication or trust concerns.
There's no right way to masturbate, so feel free to enjoy yourself in whatever position you like best! But, if you're having problems enjoying the ride or you start to notice that masturbation is negatively affecting your everyday life, it may help to try different techniques or frequency. If that doesn’t seem to help, you might consider talking with a health care provider about your concerns. To learn more about difficulties with delayed erectile dysfunction, check out Can't ejaculate in the Go Ask Alice! Sexual & Reproductive Health archives.

Mismatched breasts

Dear Reader,
Breast assured, chest asymmetry is common and usually benign! Breast size and shape are unique to each breast-owner, and each breast can have its own distinct attributes. Some people's breasts don’t fill an A cup while others exceed a DD; one breast may be firm while the other sags; some are smooth under the skin and others are more lumpy. There might be differences in nipple-size or appearance, and some folks have one inverted nipple, while the other sticks out. While it’s likely that your different sized breasts aren’t a cause for concern, there are some options for you to explore, if you want a more symmetrical look. It also might help to know that breasts go through typical changes across the lifespan.
Believe it or not, breasts actually start to form in the womb! It’s only once puberty-driven hormones hit, however, that the breast buds enlarge. If you’ve just started developing breasts, one may grow faster than the other, so it can be difficult to know the degree of asymmetry until around age 20. The breast sizes may even out by the end of puberty or they may not — 25 percent of adults with breasts have some form of asymmetry. For those assigned female at birth, the fun doesn’t stop when puberty ends — even after breasts reach their full development, hormonal fluctuations can change their shape and appearance across the lifespan. For example, while menstruating, breasts become fuller and more tender; for those who are pregnant and nursing, they generally enlarge a great deal; and, for those who experience menopause, breasts may have more lumps.

There’s no need to get your bra in a twist over different sized boobs, and plenty of people rock their unique pair of breasts proudly! That being said, if you’re feeling especially self-conscious or concerned, there are a couple of actions you could consider taking. If you wear a bra, you may try wearing a bra with extra padding or an insert on one side, or, if you still have a pronounced (and distressing) difference after puberty, surgery is also an option.
Generally, differences between breast size and shape are nothing to worry about, but in some cases they can indicate existing conditions or risk factors. It’s possible that asymmetry could be caused by an injury to the breast before puberty or an abnormal rib cage or spinal structure. Studies have also found that there’s a slight correlation between a breast asymmetry ratio over 20 percent and breast cancer risk.
Since there are many individual differences in breast size and shape, it’s good to have an understanding of what’s "normal" for you. Becoming familiar with your breasts will help you notice any changes in the tissue that may be a cause for concern. If you detect anything different from the usual, it’s best to consult with your health care provider. For information on screening for early breast cancer detection, check out the American Cancer Association’s recommendations.

History of dildos

Dear Reader,
Dildos have a big... long... (wink wink) history that dates back thousands of years. The first dildo, discovered in a German cave, was thought to have been used by people during the Ice Age — 28,000 years ago! Since then, dildos reappeared consistently in cultures and societies across the world, and it’s been a source of anxiety, pleasure, and controversy throughout.
Ancient civilizations used a number of different objects as dildos and vibrators. One of the early civilizations to experiment with dildos was ancient Egypt. Egyptian paintings from 3,000 BCE show women wearing large phallic objects around their waists to pay tribute to the god Osiris. On top of that, legend has it that in 50 BCE, Queen Cleopatra filled a hollow gourd with bees, causing it to vibrate, and allegedly creating the first vibrator! In ancient Greece, people enjoyed using olisboi, which were stuffed phalluses made of polished leather. Back in those days, olive oil wasn't just a staple of the Greek diet — it doubled as the best lube available. The Greeks believed that a lack of sperm caused hysteria or a wandering uterus, so Greek men who left home for long periods of time to fight in wars often gave their wives olisbos to prevent hysteria (the link between hysteria and sex toys would last well into the 20th century and play a role in the invention of vibrators, as well). Other ancient texts from around the world, including the Arabian Nights, mention fruit, vegetables, and other penis-shaped objects being used for sexual stimulation and fulfillment. Italians provided the word diletto, meaning "to delight," from which the modern English word "dildo" evolved. By the time of the Renaissance, its creation had become an art form. Members of the upper classes had dildos custom made from silver, ivory, and other precious materials.
Later in history, in 17th century England, men were fearful of the threat that these ever-firm phalluses posed to their own sexual prowess, and a number of laws were passed to prohibit women making them for themselves and others. John Wilmot, Earl of Rochester, wrote a poem titled Signior Dildo, which touched on these fears by implying that the women of England were turning away from men, towards dildos. On the other hand, Japan showed a very different relationship to dildos during the same period in their erotic novels, known as shunga. In them, dildos weren't treated as threatening penis-replacers but instead were depicted more playfully. There are shunga that show women shopping for, masturbating with, or sitting in rooms decorated with dildos.

Information on early American dildo use is scarce, partially due to the Comstock Laws in the 1800s, which banned the sale of rubber dilators (which had previously largely been sold as medical devices). Despite these laws, however, sex toys were sold through an underground market. As in England, American men were concerned and threatened by dildos. In the 1930s and 40s, comics came out that included dildo use, but communicated the message that sex with men was superior. Ironically, despite this dildo-driven anxiety, vibrators buzzed by without any controversy, largely due to the fact that they were marketed as non-sexual.
The sexual revolution in the 1960s opened up the idea that masturbation was acceptable and normal, and dildos began to take on a new meaning as a tool for women’s sexual liberation from men. In the 1970s, Dell Williams and Betty Dodson responded to the fact that most dildos were produced by men by creating their own sex toys. They popularized the idea that dildos don’t have to look like penises, and they introduced the smooth, colorful, silicone aesthetic that’s still popular with many sex toys today. With the AIDS crisis of the 1980s, the dildo was seen as a way to have penetrative sex without risking infection, but consequently was pegged with a stigma that linked dildo use to HIV infection. Dildos have also played (and continue to play) a key role in allowing for gender play and sexual exploration. Strap on dildos give people of all genders the option of having a phallus and being penetrated with one and it challenges the belief that someone needs to have been assigned male at birth to have a penis.
Today, there are a seemingly unlimited array of materials to choose from when selecting dildos (not to mention sizes, shapes, and even vibrations). Both brick and mortal and online stores, such as Babeland offer a wide variety of toys, and great information about how to use them. Toys have continued to evolve, so going into a store to learn more about the options such as what kinds of lube to use with them, how they're powered (be it battery, plug in, etc.), and what materials they like may be a useful endeavor for people seeking them out. As sex toys come more into the mainstream, devices of today and tomorrow will add to a rich history of pleasure seeking.
Alice!

What's up with morning erections?

Dear Reader,
Contrary to what many believe, waking up with a flag at full mast isn’t the first time it’s at attention during the day. Morning erections are technically referred to as interrupted nighttime erections (or nocturnal penile tumescence), which can happen three to five times per night. They usually pop up (pun intended) during periods of rapid eye movement (REM) sleep and last around 30 minutes each. Those with penises who are older than 60 years may even have them during non-REM sleep. Unlikely due to urine buildup in the bladder or dream content, they’re both common and completely normal. 
These spontaneous woodies in the wee hours are thought to be caused by a combination of factors, including a shift from the sympathetic (fight or flight) nervous system to the parasympathetic (rest and digest) system. The parasympathetic nervous system is responsible for the body’s resting state. In fact, the parasympathetic nervous system is most active when you’re asleep. A common theory for nocturnal erections is that a full bladder can stimulate the sacral nerve (which runs from the brain to the pelvic area), a part of the nervous system, which then leads to an erection. Furthermore, the REM phase of sleep is when folks are most likely to dream, erotically or otherwise, potentially causing a full mast. Another factor that may contribute to pitching a mini tent is testosterone; it’s been correlated with a greater frequency of nighttime erections, and it’s at its highest levels in the morning — go figure. Similarly, yet less visually noticeably, those with vaginas experience REM-related engorgement of the clitoris and vagina as well. So despite the name, the common experience of "morning wood" has nothing to do with time of day, but rather the individual’s stage of sleep upon waking.

All that being said, nighttime stiff ones are common, typical experiences and generally aren't causes for worry. In fact, they’re a sign that the penis is in good working order. For those finding that they're not having any, it could be a sign of an underlying condition, such as diabetes, or a psychological ailment, such as depression. However, since erections are linked to sleep quality, they might not occur every night, even in healthy individuals. If morning wood, or any erection for that matter, lasts longer than four hours, it’s recommended to speak with a health care provider. 
Alice!

The best home remedies for menstrual cramps

Many women report having abdominal or pelvic pain at the beginning of their menstrual cycle. This symptom can range in severity from mild discomfort that lasts 1 or 2 days to painful, debilitating cramps. Many home remedies can help a person get relief.During a period, the uterus contracts to squeeze the lining away from the uterine wall and allow it to exit the body through the vagina. These uterine contractions cause painful cramps.

Most women experience cramps in the lower abdomen, although the pain can also radiate to the lower back, groin, or upper thighs. Menstrual cramps tend to be the worst at the beginning of a period and become less uncomfortable as the days go on.

Many home remedies can help relieve menstrual cramps, including the following:
Placing a hot water bottle or heating pad against the abdomen can relax the muscles and relieve cramps.

Heat helps the uterine muscle and those around it relax, which may ease cramping and discomfort.

A person can also place a heating pad on the lower back to get rid of back pain. Another option is to soak in a warm bath, which can help relax the muscles in the abdomen, back, and legs.

Gentle exercise

Although exercise may be the last thing that many women feel like doing when they have cramps, it may provide pain relief.

Strenuous exercise might not be beneficial if a person is in pain, but gentle stretching, going for a walk, or doing yoga may help. Exercise also releases endorphins, which are nature’s natural pain relievers.

A Taiwanese study found that 12 weeks of twice-weekly yoga classes reduced menstrual cramps in the study participants.

Orgasm

An orgasm is a great remedy for menstrual cramps. Similar to exercise, having an orgasm releases plenty of endorphins and other hormones that relieve pain, helping a person feel good.

Acupuncture

Research has shown that acupuncture can relieve menstrual cramps. This treatment may reduce inflammation, in addition to releasing endorphins and helping a person relax.

A person is more likely to benefit from an ongoing course of acupuncture than a single session.

Massage

Getting a massage or doing self-massage over the abdomen can also relax the pelvic muscles and alleviate cramping.

People can gently rub a massage oil, body lotion, or coconut oil into their skin.

How to stop your period early: Short-term and long-term methods

When your period comes at an inconvenient time, it can get in the way of your plans. Are there ways to speed up your period or make it stop once it has started?
The research on controlling periods in this way is limited, but certain methods may work for some people.
People can also use a form of hormonal birth control to plan when to have their periods or stop them entirely.
In this article, we look at how to speed up or stop your period after it has started, and provide long-term solutions for managing periods.

Can you make your period stop once it has begun?People may want to speed up their period for a range of reasons, such as an upcoming life event or holiday. This is particularly relevant to those who have irregular cycles, which make it harder to plan ahead.
There are no foolproof ways to make a period stop, but some methods can increase the speed at which the menstrual blood leaves the uterus, which may shorten the period.
People can try the methods below for speeding up a period once it has started:
Having an orgasm
Sex or masturbation that leads to orgasm can stimulate contractions in the uterus, which may result in more menstrual blood leaving the body through the vagina.
Although there is no scientific evidence to support this technique, there are no adverse side effects, so it is not risky to try it.
Getting some exercise

The movement of the muscles during exercise may also help more uterine blood exit the body, potentially reducing the duration of a period.
Exercise can also help relieve cramping in some people. Again, there is not much research on this, but it is worth trying as exercise offers many other benefits.
Avoiding using tampons
Tampons soak up menstrual blood, but they may also block some menstrual flow from the vagina, which could extend the duration of bleeding.
Sanitary pads should not hinder the menstrual flow, so some people feel that using them can help their period to end sooner.
Stopping periods when using birth control
People who are taking the combined contraceptive pill can plan their period to some extent as they know that it will come during the week that they are taking either the dummy pills or no pills.
If they have started their placebo pills or pill break for the week and their period has commenced, they could begin taking their next pack of pills.
Doing this will increase the level of hormones in their body, which may shorten the duration of bleeding, although there is no guarantee of this.
People can stop their periods in the long term by using hormonal birth control. Doctors refer to this as “menstrual suppression.”
Long-term methods for stopping your period include:
An intrauterine device (IUD) is a type of contraception that a doctor inserts into the uterus through the cervix.
People can get a hormonal or non-hormonal IUD. Hormonal IUDs may stop periods up to 80 percent of the time.
An IUD is a long-term contraceptive solution that will need replacing after 3–10 years, depending on the type and brand.
However, early removal of the device is possible for people who want to become pregnant or do not like having the IUD.
The combined pill
Combined birth control pills contain the hormones estrogen and progestin, which help suppress ovulation and keep the lining of the uterus thin.
People take active pills for 3 weeks and then either placebo pills or no pills for 1 week, during which they will get their period.
One way to stop periods is to skip the placebo or pill-free week and begin a new pack instead. This delivers a constant amount of hormones and should prevent a period from occurring.
According to estimates, this method works up to 80 percent of the time.
There are also some prescription pills available that only give people a period every 3 months. People can discuss this option with their doctor if they are interested.

Progestin shots
The DMPA shot, also known by the brand name Depo-Provera, is an injection of progestin that doctors deliver either under the skin or into the muscle. This medication inhibits the menstrual cycle.
After about 1 year of getting injections every 3 months, an estimated 70 percent of women do not get their periods.