How To Be The Object Of Your Man’s Desire

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How Long Should I Wait To Sleep With Him?

In his best-selling book “Act like a Lady, Think Like a Man,” comedian-turned-talk-show-host Steve Harvey tells women to wait 90 days (three months) before sex.

Other books say something different. Magazines swear their methods work due to polls, surveys, and dating experiments.

With these conflicting answers, what is the actual correct answer to the infamous question: “how long should I wait to sleep with him?”

The unified answer

Various psychiatrists, therapists, book authors and experts agree on one thing: sex too soon is detrimental. The relationship resembles a one-night stand instead of an everlasting couple.

The reason for the unified no-no is a connection, commitment, and comfort. A connection is the chemistry or sparks felt. Commitment is whether the man sees you as a girlfriend or wife. Comfort is about trusting this person to touch and hold you all over your body.

Sex on the first date doesn't build love and trust. Instead, it builds bad vibes about your personality and his. Women with standards appear promiscuous after sex too soon.

Men don't take promiscuous women seriously. Likewise, women ignore crucial warning signs just to satisfy the man's desire for sex. Question his rush for sex. Why did he target you? Is this man hiding something? Stay committed about how long should I wait to sleep with him.

Specifically, is there proof of love? Two reasons (of many) say otherwise. One answer is the man is using you to deal with his grief. His politeness and courtesy are a ruse to convince you to lay with him. In exchange, he feels better and rushes off before saying anything to you.

Meanwhile, you're alone wondering what happened and why he's not taking your calls. Don't be that woman. A second answer is he using you as his booty call instead of his girlfriend. Heartbreaking yet true.

Fallout after sex is another reason to postpone sex on the first date. A deal breaking discovery about him later on after sex is disappointing. Not loving him after sex is another disappointment.

Unfortunately, it's too late to undo sex now. The sad part is the consequences are avoidable if you did the research before sexual intercourse. If you're wondering how long should you wait to sleep with him, sex too soon or during the first date is not it.

The varied answers

While too soon is a unified answer, the exact timeline to offer sex varies. Various sources contain different results and all believe their way is right. The answers vary from two weeks to three months.

In the dating world, sex comes after two dates and as late as six dates. This gap is too large due to the various reasons stated in the introduction. Their reasons are the same: build the relationship based on interests, hobbies, and learning about him.

Family, friends, society, and the media implant timelines for all relationships. If you allow these instigators to control how long should you wait to sleep with him, you will become confused and stressed.

Now, what?

Based on the varied answers provided, the exact answer seems too foggy. However, treat the answers like an estimate. It is an estimate because the answers come from different relationships and averaged out.

The varied answers cannot explain your timeline in your relationship. Therefore, the answers above cannot speak for your relationship. Break out of the box and allow no one to suggest the right time for sex.

This attitude contradicts the “unified” answer of having sex too soon. Sexual intercourse on the first date rarely leads to a steady relationship.

For the vast majority, sex too soon is an irreversible decision that leads to breakups. Stick to this rule if nothing else. Otherwise, how long should I wait to sleep with him is up to you. Trust your gut.

Lastly, ensure sex is coming from a sane and sound mind. The brain has a way of confusing passion through brain chemicals. According to UCLA's Female Sexual Medicine Center, good moments in the relationship trigger brain chemicals signaling love and attachment.

The results often blur with sexual passion, hence why women must rely on gut instincts more. An obvious, yet important, reason to hold off sex is the strings attached. Examples are pregnancy, STDs, and STIs.

In conclusion, women practicing celibacy or abstinence should stay the course. The trick is convincing him to become celibate or abstinent too. Women not practicing celibacy or abstinence must rely heavily on intuition and gut instinct.

If the mood is questionable, say no. A good indication to begin sexual intercourse is the man sees you as a girlfriend. The man cannot say it; women must channel their emotions to determine if the words are true.

Common myths

Women question if there's a connection, so they use sex as a test. Sex then becomes a catalyst for a love connection. This misconception is unnecessary to use sex in this manner.

If the connection isn't there before sex, the connection's not coming after it. Chemistry should be built from understanding and love, not sex. This prolongs the “how long should I wait to sleep with him?” debate, which is always a plus.

The second misconception is men craving sex all the time. While men won't turn it down, some men expect you to say no. Men prefer the chase rather than the reward.

Saying no encourages men to earn sex rather than giving it away. When it's finally time for sex, men will appreciate it (and you) more. Besides, if men receive the reward, what remains? He wins. You have nothing left to lure him to you.

The final myth is women don't crave sex. The sexual appetite of some women can rival men, and yet women are telling men to hold back for a set period. Ignore this double standard; sex applies to women keeping their hands off men as well.

Therefore, women must keep their heightened emotions in check. The first date/too soon rule applies to women too. Yes, the chemistry is boiling over.

Nonetheless, resist the urge to hop in bed. Sex blinds the most intelligent woman because sex and love become the same thing. It is not. Wait. Determine if love reciprocates.

Regardless of the decision, your body is a temple. Don't give the key away. Focus on dating and understanding each other. Ensure this man loves you for you first. Sex is a bonus, not a requirement.

Lastly, allow no one to dictate what is ‘normal' in dating. These people are not dating him; you are. Sex is tempting enough without family and friends offering opinions that don't contribute to the relationship.

Decide how long should you wait to sleep with him, then, move the relationship at a comfortable speed. Have sexual intercourse for the right reasons.

10 Legit Reasons You Should Have Sex on the First Date

If you’re anything like me, you are probably sick and tired of worrying about whether or not you should sleep with a man on the first date.

Let me be the first to tell you that I know plenty of happy couples who met, did the horizontal tango on their first date, and still, have a happy healthy relationship including regular sex… with each other.

The rules of waiting no longer apply to today’s world.

In fact, I can tell you ten very good reasons you absolutely should get him naked on the first date:

#1 Does it fit?

We’ve all heard “it’s not the size of the wand it’s the magic inside”, but let’s face it, ladies, size really does matter.

I’m not only talking about small sizes, either (I don’t need to explain that you have to be able to feel something when he’s inside you).

Let me give you an example. I was very happy with this guy I had been dating. We went out all the time, we talked, and he was fabulous.

I held out to have sex with him because I wanted to “build our relationship first” – I mean, that’s what we’re told to do, right?

When it came time for the big night and he took off his pants I quite literally gulped and said: “You’re not going to fit that inside me.” That’s right, he was too big!

Now, you might be the kind of woman who wants a twelve-inch man, but I’m good with five or six inches. There are some sexual positions you cannot comfortably get into when he’s impaling you with his massive member.

Also, you need to know if his body fits yours.

If your thighs are bruised in the morning from his bony hips pounding away at you, or if you’re smothering when he’s on top because his huge hairy chest weighs a ton.

Then perhaps you’re not physically meant to fit together with no matter how strong the chemistry, which is a good thing to know before investing too much into a relationship.

#2 Female independence

 Another reason to go for the gold on the first date is that you are a beautiful independent woman and if he’s any kind of man he will admire you for your ability to be who you are without him.

In other words, he’ll appreciate a woman who knows what she wants.

If he’s the kind of man stuck in the mindset that a real woman waits until marriage (or at least the third date) then is he really the kind of man you want?

#3 The Freak Factor

Everyone has a different style. Some people are into whips and chains and others are just “missionary men”.

This is probably one of the most important of the 10 reasons you should have sex on the first date.

If you’re looking for a sweet, romantic love-making kind of guy and he’s pulling your hair and asking you for anal, then chances are you are not going to be sexually compatible.

I prefer to know what kind of lover he is early in the relationship so that I can decide if I’m going to be willing to give in to his fetish fantasies or have to tell him to hit the road.

On the opposite end, if he is not willing to cater to my fantasies then I also have to find another lover.

I’ve had boring lovers and I’ve also had kinky lovers who thought every night should be a freak show, which either way, is only fun for so long.

#4 Test drive

You wouldn’t buy a car without driving it first, why would you invest all your efforts into a man without driving him first?

Some things can be taught (maybe he just never had the right kind of woman teach him) and other things he will never learn.

Test drive him, find out what he knows and what he’s willing (and unwilling) to learn and see if you want to put the energy into this guy.

#5 Second date

This one is probably the most important of the 10 reasons you should have sex on the first date. You should have sex on the first date because then you will know if you want a second date.

Did he perform as he should (remember, first time sex can be awkward so excuse him if he’s nervous)? Was the sex “WOW” or just “wow, I’m glad that’s over”?

First date sex lets you know if he’s worth a second date. Even more importantly how he acts after first date sex lets you know if he’s worth a second date.

Did he call you the next day like a gentleman should (yes, he should always call the next day)? Did he stay the night with you or jump up and leave after sex?

His reaction is the most important reason to sleep with him now before you’re in too deep. How he reacts will tell you what kind of man he is and if you should pursue him any further.

#6 The best way to get over someone

The best way to get over someone is to get under someone.

I can’t tell you how many times I have missed ex-boyfriends and been afraid to date because I didn’t want my heart broken again.

I recently had the best experience of my life. I had just been dumped by my boyfriend and was feeling pretty low and an acquaintance asked me out. I wasn’t sure, but I went anyway. The sexual attraction was insane and we went back to my place.

Now, the sex itself was okay (not great… we didn’t “fit” together), but, I woke up feeling amazing because I now had proof I’m still attractive.

Sometimes, you just need the ego boost.

#7 Physical attraction

Speaking of attraction, why deny yourself the chance to get naked and touch that handsome hunk of man meat in front of you?

Maybe later you’ll find out he’s got nothing going on inside that very sexy head of his, but for now, while you still think he’s attractive, give him a go. Release that sexual tension, ladies, and show him how a real woman does it!

Sex is healthy, it’s fun, and it’s a great way to feel good fast, so don’t let the sexual fire burn out. Do him while he’s still hot!

#8 Relationship decision

Having sex on the first date is when you are going through a tough relationship decision. I’m going to give you a scenario.

You and your Mr. Right (okay, Mr. Maybe) have been off and on again for months. You just got asked out by another guy, someone you are physically attracted to but maybe not sure about because you’re hung up in Mr.-Maybe-limbo.

Go out with the hot new guy and have sex with him. First, this will make you feel attractive again (and you need that).

Second, it will let you decide if you really want to get back with Mr. Maybe or move on to someone else.

Maybe that hot date is not the guy you’re going to date, but he is the guy who gave you the self-confidence to make the right decision.

#9 For adventure’s sake

Have sex with him because he’s hot.

You are only going to live once and being treated to a mind-blowing orgasm by a hot guy is a memory you will cherish on those long cold sexual drought nights, which we all have, ladies.

Maybe you’re driving around in his car and you both just pull over and have sex in a park (you can now check that one off your sexual bucket list), or maybe you just get a great five-minute quickie with a man who stirs your passion.

Whatever the case may be, it’s an adventure.

#10 The afterglow

Of the 10 reasons you should have sex on the first date, the afterglow ranks almost top.

You can get afterglow from any kind of orgasm – even masturbation – but it's best from a crazy night of passionate sex. What’s better than first time sex?

Afterglow makes you feel good about yourself, it’s mentally and physically healthy, and you shine for days after.

If you’re a woman who’s still looking for the right man, even having sex on the first date with the man of the moment will give you that physical glow that appeals to the opposite sex.

Most importantly, though, do it because it makes you feel good.