Have an Amazing Orgasm: Pick the Right Sex Positions

First things first: the "right" position for a great orgasm during sex is whichever one you like the best. "Everyone's body is different, and the way your body connects with your partner's is going to be unique," explains sex educator Emily Nagoski, Ph.D., whose new book, Come As You Are, goes on sale in two weeks (available for pre-order now).


That said, there are moves that can make it easier to get off. (Though for his sake, skip The Riskiest Sex Position, According to Science.)

Up Close and Clitoral

"The standard, kind of obvious rule is to increase stimulation to the clitoris. Whatever position does that is probably going to be feel pretty great," says Nagoski. If your fave one doesn't offer much direct contact, you can always use your hands or erotic appliances to fill in the gaps.

Remember: Porn Is Fantasy

Two classic porno moves that aren't so hot IRL: cowgirl and any position where the actress is spread eagle. In erotic movies, women on top during sex often bounce up and down "like they're on a pony," says Nagoski. In reality, lying flat on top of him and rocking back and forth-rather than sitting straight up-may not look as nice, but feels much, much better thanks to the increased friction. The same goes for spreading your legs. "Keeping your thighs closer together in missionary position or doggie style increases pressure on your clitoris, which is more arousing," notes Nagoski.


Switch Things Up

While having go-to positions that you know feel amazing is great, novelty is also key. After all, that move that blew your mind the first time you tried it is going to feel a little routine if you rely on it every time you have sex. So watch porn, read erotica and sex ed books, and talk to your guy to come up with new moves you think sound fun. Worst case scenario: it feels weird, and you revert back to your usual.

For more tips on having an amazing O, check shape.com tomorrow!

Your Brain On: An Orgasm

Despite plenty of research into the topic, the female orgasm is still something of a mystery. Do vaginal orgasms really exist? What about the G-spot? (The most recent rulings: nope and nope, according to a report in Clinical Anatomy.) But science has uncovered some facts about what exactly is happening in your brain as you get closer to, and finally achieve, a big O. Here's how it all goes down.


During Foreplay

As things begin to heat up, the nerves in and around your clitoris and pelvic area (including the pudental, pelvic, hypogastric, and vagus nerves) send pleasure signals to your brain to "tell" it that you're being touched-and that it feels good, says sex therapist Sabitha Pillai-Friedman, Ph.D., an assistant professor in the human sexuality program at Widener University.

During this time, activity in the areas of the brain that control things like anxiety and fear (called the amygdala and hippocampus) decreases, which helps block out the worries and distractions that might keep you from orgasm, according to research from the University of Groningen in the Netherlands.

During Climax

When you reach the point of no return, parts of your brain go into overdrive-and others shut down completely. Activity in a region of the brain known as the lateral orbitofrontal cortex, for example, which governs behavioral control, dramatically decreases, according to the Dutch researchers. That may explain why you can feel overwhelmed or out of control during the moment of climax.


Within a minute of climax, the hypothalamus, which controls basic biological functions, like body temperature, hunger, and sleep, releases oxytocin, says Pillai-Friedman. This "cuddle hormone" helps you bond to others and is responsible for the pleasurable uterine contractions you experience during climax. It also increases blood flow to organs throughout your body, and reduces inflammation-which may help explain the health benefits enjoyed by women who frequently orgasm, like a lower risk of heart disease and cancer, says Pillai-Friedman.

In addition to oxytocin, the brain releases DHEA and other mood-boosting endorphins.

RELATED: How Do Your Sex Numbers Compare?

After Orgasm

The flood of neurohormones and endorphins can persist for up to five minutes, says Pillai-Friedman. But levels of prolactin, the protein responsible for the sleepy, lazy, contented "afterglow" you have post-romp, peak after orgasm, and can remain elevated for an hour or more after sex, according to German research. Fun fact: Oxytocin and prolactin increases are thought to be responsible for the male "refactory period," or period after orgasm during which it's impossible for them to climax again. Women generally don't have a refractory period-which is why you can have multiple orgasms. Rest up if you need to-then start from the top!

DIY: Deep Cleanse for Your Armpits

Yes, there’s a cleanse for everything … even your armpits. If you feel like your current deodorant is starting to lose its effectiveness or you’re dealing with irritations, it might be time for a deep pit cleanse (what a sexy visual, right?). The below “mask” (if you will) can soothe inflamed skin, freshen the delicate area, and ease the transition to antiperspirant-free deodorants—keep reading to learn more.
As we mentioned in our piece on “Why You Should Toss Your Antiperspirant, Like, Yesterday,” the harsh aluminums found in antiperspirants can build up in your system. Weaning yourself off them to make way for more natural deodorant options can be a smelly journey that will leave you more than willing to jump back into that toxic relationship.
Before you pull the contraband from the garbage and fall back into its duct-clogging ways, there’s a way to speed up the process. A mask, for your armpits. That’s right! We don’t recommend applying to freshly shaved pits, as the pH adjustment might generate some heat and cause a bit of a burning sensation. Day-after shaved is best. Try this recipe three days in a row to do a deep cleanse on your delicate underarms and freshen things up before going for safer choices.

What You'll Need:

1 tablespoon bentonite clay (we love Aztec)
 1-2 teaspoons water
 1 teaspoon apple cider vinegar
Mix the ingredients until you get a consistency like that of Greek yogurt.
Spread this on your pits and wait 5-15 minutes. Try chilling on a towel on your back while holding a book (or OK, fine, your phone) overhead to keep your arms elevated. Wash off the clay in the shower or with a warm washcloth. We recommend doing this in the evening if you have sensitive skin because it may turn your pits a little rosy from elevated circulation in the area.
You can also opt for this pre-packaged natural option: KIND-LY The Armpit Detox ($25)
Try this for three consecutive days to purge, and then you’re ready for your greener transition. Shop a few of our fave antiperspirant-free options below.
The content provided in this article is provided for information purposes only and is not a substitute for professional advice and consultation, including professional medical advice and consultation; it is provided with the understanding that Poosh, LLC (“Poosh”) is not engaged in the provision or rendering of medical advice or services. You understand and agree that Poosh shall not be liable for any claim, loss, or damage arising out of the use of, or reliance upon any content or information in the article.

Ingredients to AVOID IN LUBRICANTS

Friendly reminder: our skin is an organ, and any products we use on our body get absorbed into it. This includes the products you use to keep things heated in the bedroom—which is why I recommend using non-toxic products whenever possible. Reading labels can be confusing, and researching all the ingredients can be time-consuming. Below, I have broken it down into an easy reference list of ingredients I suggest avoiding, whether in personal lubrication or other beauty products.
1. Petroleum or petroleum-based ingredients:
 These often stay put for longer than other lubes by coating your skin, which can lead to infections. They will also damage condoms. Two widely known examples are baby oil and petroleum jelly.
2. Parabens:
 This synthetic preservative is thought to act as an endocrine disruptor and can mimic the effects of estrogen. This can interfere with your natural hormones and potentially increase breast cancer risk.
3. Glycerin:
 It is widely used in personal lubricants, and for some women, it can lead to candida (yeast infections) and urinary tract infections (UTIs), so if you are prone to those you might want to steer clear. If you aren’t, this ingredient should be fine.
4. Benzocaine:
 It is a numbing agent and used in some lubricants. Women who find intercourse painful are more drawn to it. However, with fewer sensations, your body may not recognize signs to stop, which can lead to microtears in tissue and major problems. It can also cause allergic contact dermatitis (skin irritation).
5. Propylene glycol:
 This ingredient is found in some brands of antifreeze and can cause tissue irritation.
6. Chlorhexidine gluconate:
 This antibacterial agent can alter bacteria levels in our vagina and throw it off balance, which can lead to infections. Chlorhexidine gluconate can also lead to tissue irritation and inflammation.
7. Nonoxynol-9:

 This spermicide can kill the good bacteria in your vagina and lead to bacterial vaginosis (BV) for some.
If you suspect your vaginal dryness is from medication, speak with your doctor. For many medications, there are alternatives that will not have that side effect. Women who continually have dryness and symptoms can speak with their doctor about other treatment options. When we are dehydrated, it also affects our vagina, so make sure you drink plenty of water to stay hydrated. A good pelvic floor exercise program and regular sexual stimulation can also help increase blood flow and natural secretions to the vagina.

10 Reasons Your Husband Doesn't Want to Have Sex

While you were dating and during the honeymoon years of your marriage, you lovebirds likely couldn't keep your hands off of each other. Physical attraction and sex are trademark signs of a healthy relationship, according to research published in the Journal of Psychiatry and Behavioral Sciences. But how does sexual intimacy between partners adapt with age? As men age, it's natural for them to experience a somewhat decreased sex drive, says Jeanne O'Connell, M.D., cofounder of Sylvana Institute for Medical Aesthetics in Frederick, Maryland. According to a review published in the Journal of Nurse Practitioners, sexual intimacy declines around age 45 and continues to decline with age. Physiological components can be at play, such as age-related changes in blood flow and shifts in hormones. Other barriers to sexual intimacy may include health conditions, an inability to orgasm, a lack of confidence in the bedroom, and a decline in the desire to engage in sexual activities in general, regardless of your feelings towards your partner.

Perhaps you're still trying to keep things exciting in the bedroom, but you can sense your husband's sex drive beginning to tank. For starters, it's likely not because of anything you're doing differently, but we completely understand the hurt and confusion. Here are the top reasons why your husband may have lost his libido, according to experts.
1. His work life may be overwhelming.
When you think of a mistress, you likely automatically think of another partner entering into the picture. But the "mistress" taking up all of your man's attention and affection could actually be his occupation. "When men are passionately involved with their careers, they can sublimate sexual excitement that would normally be directed toward their wives," says neuropsychologist and life coach Sydney Ceruto, Ph.D. "The accolades, money and ego boost from being regularly praised, or promoted, can be a turn-on." Try talking to your partner about some ways you can balance out his work-life responsibilities, and what boundaries you can establish to keep work out of the bedroom.
2. He could have lower levels of testosterone.
Did you know that testosterone is one of the most widely prescribed hormone medications in the U.S.? According to a recent review published in Urology, testosterone levels decline with age as rapidly as 0.4 to 2 percent annually after age 30, and around 13 percent of the male population has hypogonadism, which is a failure to produce enough testosterone. In addition to a low libido, symptoms of low testosterone can include decreased energy, low mood, fatigue, loss of muscle mass, and even erectile dysfunction, says Abraham Morgentaler, M.D., associate clinical professor of surgery at Harvard Medical School and a urologist at Beth Israel Deaconess Medical Center in Boston. According to Dr. Morgentaler, as many as 97 percent of men who have low testosterone levels report a negative impact on their sex lives. Fortunately, Mayo Clinic says the condition can be treated with hormone replacement therapy, stress management, and counseling.
3. He could be experiencing male menopause.

Male... what? According to Mayo Clinic, the term "male menopause," medically referred to as "andropause," describes the age-related decreasing of testosterone levels in men. Not to worry, though — it's not as sudden or intense as the bodily changes women can sometimes face. Dr. O'Connell suggests trying to avoid taking it personally if he used to want to tear off your clothes when you walked in the door and now he hardly notices the new skirt you're wearing. The reason may simply be biological, not psychological. Instead of closing up, talk to him about his sexual feelings and needs — and yours.
4. He could be looking to pornography for sexual satisfaction.

The proliferation of pornography is a natural consequence of the ability to both upload and watch uncensored internet content in today's increasingly digitalized world. According to researchers at Indiana University and the University of Hawaii, men who consumed porn experienced significantly lower levels of satisfaction with their partners, in terms of intimacy, romantic attachment, love for your partner, happiness, commitment, and relationships assessment. What could be turning them to porn in the first place? "Men who suffer from loneliness often find a huge reduction the amount of opportunities for interactions with others and intimacy," Dr. Ceruto says.
Worse yet, porn addictions can have some devastating consequences on relationships. "When porn becomes addictive, a man relies on it to become stimulated instead of relying on his spouse," says Les Parrott, Ph.D., a Seattle-based psychologist and the author of Crazy Good Sex. That's because the neurochemicals flooding a man's brain during a porn fix (also called eroto-chemicals) may be as addictive as cocaine, Dr. Parrot explains. "Studies have shown that porn fuels unrealistic expectations about what sex should be like," he says. "It makes men less satisfied with their partners." If you suspect that your husband may be getting sexual gratification from pornography instead of you, you can find resolution by acknowledging the problem, talking it out, and perhaps meeting with a sex therapist for counseling, Dr. Parrot recommends.

5. He might have anxiety about his low sex drive.
Premature ejaculation and delayed ejaculation can be common problems for men with erectile dysfunction (ED), and it can definitely affect his confidence. "Erectile dysfunction, early ejaculation, and delayed ejaculation might have diverse causes but their common factors — a man’s frustration, worry and feelings of inadequacy — can shut things down sexually between you," Dr. Ceruto says. According to WebMD, 95 percent of men with premature ejaculation are helped by behavioral techniques that help control ejaculation. ED is mostly treated with various medications and psychological counseling.
6. He may have a health condition.
Loss of sex drive for a man doesn't just mean problems in the bedroom. His low libido could be a clue to other concerning health problems, says Phil Nguyen, M.D., an erectile dysfunction expert with the Boston Medical Group. "The penis can be considered a barometer of overall health for men, and if there are problems in this area, it could be symptomatic of larger health issues such as diabetes, prostate cancer, or heart disease," he says. "In fact, diabetes hastens sexual decline in men by as much as 15 years," Dr. Ceruto says. While a loss of sex drive doesn't always mean he has a health condition, it wouldn't hurt to mention your concern to him so he can pass along any questions to his doctor.

7. He could be overweight.
Yes, it's possible that weight could be diminishing your partner's desire to be intimate. A study published in Journal of Education and Health Promotion found that obesity and a lack of physical activity led to an increase of sexual dysfunctions in 43 percent of women and 31 percent of men. "Diabetes and obesity reduce sexual activity," Dr. Ceruto says. "Large body mass and poor body image ruin intimacy, which is core to the opportunity of having sex." According to Eric Plasker, M.D., author of The 100 Year Lifestyle, exercising increases endorphins and can make people feel better about themselves, as well as eating healthy foods. "Those who eat heavy, fattening, greasy or overly sugary foods may feel tired and sluggish, not sexy," he adds.
8. He could be stressed.
Could job overload or financial insecurities really interfere with libido? "Those under an extreme amount of stress often lose their sex drive temporarily," Dr. Plasker says. Clearly, you can't remove the source of his stress or turn investments from red to green on the stock charts, but you can encourage him to make simple changes that will boost his health, and his libido.
9. He could be doing fine on his own.
In other words, your partner could be masturbating too much, instead of sharing that pleasure with you. "He doesn't want to negotiate sex and so takes his desire, literally, into his own hands," Dr. Ceruto says. "Some men feel exquisite vulnerability at being dependent on another person for their desire to be quenched." As a result, men may masturbate to porn or their own fantasies because it's quick and efficient, Dr. Ceruto explains.
It could also be the case that he receives more pleasure on his own time. "If a man is spending a lot of time masturbating, he can become accustomed to a higher, more intense level of sexual stimulation, which is stronger than he can get from the vagina," says Hilda Hutcherson, M.D., an ob-gyn and the author of What Your Mother Never Told You About Sex. "This can eventually make it hard for him to enjoy sex with you." Talk about ways the both of you can switch things up to make sex more enjoyable for the both of you.
10. He isn't receiving enough physical affection from you.
Though this point is more directed at you, it's one of the easiest things you can change to make your sex life so much better. According to Raphael Darvish, M.D., MBA, a physician with Concierge Medicine in Los Angeles, his disinterest in sex could be because you're not showing him enough everyday affection. "Not feeling wanted and no or limited physical contact can really hurt a relationship," she says. Try a spontaneous hug, kiss, or back rub, which could have big payoffs for your sex life.

6 Sex Conversations You Really Need to Have for a Successful Relationship

Salt-N-Pepa's song, "Let's Talk About Sex," was a hit for a reason: Couples who discuss tricky topics, like what's going down in the bedroom, are 10 times more likely to have a happy relationship than those who ignore difficult subjects, says Joseph Grenny, social scientist and co-author of Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes Are High. "A handful of conversations make the biggest difference in the strength and duration of a relationship," he says. "Talking about sexual intimacy tops that small list."
Before you get beneath the sheets (and maybe even after), experts say you should have these sex conversations with your partner. Trust us, doing so will make the experience that much more enjoyable.
1. What your sexual limits are.
Yes, it's possible to have a good experience trying something new with no verbal communication. But it's also possible to have a major fail, landing you smack in the middle of a 50 Shades of "OMG, what are you doing?!" situation. That's why it's important to talk about boundaries before experimenting in bed, says Carol Queen, Ph.D., staff sexologist for the online sex toy shop Good Vibrations. There are three things you can do to help make this happen. First, determine what kinds of play you and your partner are OK with by taking turns telling one another about a sexual fantasy, discussing it, and placing it on the yes, no, or maybe list, Dr. Queen says. Then, vocalize firmly what makes you uncomfortable. (For some people, that could be anal sex; for others, maybe it's being blindfolded.) Last — and arguably the most important — choose a safe word. It should be something that's unrelated to sex so there's no confusion, and saying it means whatever is happening must come to an immediate halt.
2. When you feel stuck in a rut.
It can be easy to move into the same old sex patterns in a relationship, especially if a couple doesn't really discuss their sexual preferences from the beginning, Dr. Queen says. Simply not talking means you could easily try a position, deem it decent, and stick to it — it's kind of a "if it ain't broke" situation. But that scenario doesn't leave room for much excitement.
If that sounds all too familiar, Dr. Queen suggests one of two options: Talking to a sex therapist or a coach together, as having a mediator in a safe space can make it easier for some people to open up and it can move the conversation in a productive direction, or reading together. "Some books, like Hot Sex! Over 200 Things You Can Try Tonight, are made to be browsed together, giving you spicy ideas and info to boot," Dr. Queen says. Regardless of what book it is, the two of you should agree to read it, then have an open conversation about the ideas each chapter brings up.
3. When someone's experiencing sexual dysfunction.
Failure to launch and premature party ending are touchy subjects. "Most guys don't want to talk about it while in bed," says Joel D. Block, Ph.D., author of Do It My Way. So the first thing you can do to avoid any awkwardness is reroute. "Ask him to pleasure you," suggests Dr. Block. "It takes tension away from his difficulty." 

If you're the one experiencing issues, like dryness, give him prompts that will help make your sack session more enjoyable, Dr. Block says. Saying things like, "I love when you go slowly" or "I need more foreplay to get me started" makes what you need crystal clear, and most men are all too eager to please, he explains.
Once you're out of the bedroom — and it's clear that the dysfunction isn't a one-time situation — Dr. Block says you shouldn't shy away from discussing it, as doing so can prevent it from becoming a bigger deal than it actually is. Be encouraging, remind him that you're in this together, and potentially suggest seeing a doctor so you can both get to the root of the problem and back to a happy, active bedroom.
4. Whether one or both of you needs to get tested.
This isn't a matter of how many sexual partners each of you has had, nor an opportunity to judge said number, Dr. Queen says. "HPV and other bugs hitch a ride on human genitals just as the common cold goes for your nose and throat," she says. That's why it's best to talk about testing in a matter-of-fact manner before you have sex for the first time. It doesn't have to be a huge deal either. Simply saying, "This is what I do for birth control" and "these are my standards for safe sex" gets the ball rolling. But it is important that you talk before getting busy. "It's your body, and some conditions are forever," Dr. Queen says.
5. When you're just not in the mood.
As wonderful as sex is, let's be honest: the act can be exhausting. And sometimes you just don't want to invest in the action. There's nothing wrong with that — so long as you're honest with your partner about it. "If one person is raring to go and the other gives compliance sex, it will not only fail to be physically gratifying, but it won't produce an emotional connection," Grenny says. That can snowball into bigger issues, like emotional distance, when in reality you just had a long day and are desperate for some shuteye.
When you're feeling this way, it's possible to let your partner down without it sounding like a "we're never having sex again" situation. "Touch your mate, smile, and suggest another time," says Laurie Puhn, creator of the nationwide couples course Fight Less, Love More. "This says I love you and want to be intimate, but not tonight." You can also be honest about why you're not in the mood, as having a concrete reason (like feeling exhausted) makes it clear to your partner that it's not a problem you're having with them. Oh, and be sure to follow through on that reschedule to really drive the point home.
6. How often you want to have sex.
It may seem 1,000 percent unromantic, but couples should talk about how to fit sex into their busy schedules, Dr. Block says. "Americans, on average, have intercourse a bit more than once a week, he explains. Figuring out how close you want to be to that average is important. Otherwise, one partner could quickly start to feel unsatisfied, be that because they're not having it often enough or because they're feeling pressured to do it more often than they'd like.
To open the conversation, start by saying something like, "For me, I'd be happy if we were intimate at least X times a week. What about you?" Once you have that covered, you can discuss related details, like whether period sex or sex at the in-laws' house is fair game.
As for the timing of the actual act, Dr. Queen says it's key to look at your lifestyles. If one of you is a morning sex person while the other tends to be evening-only, consider a calendar compromise. "A weekend afternoon delight or a post-work session could be a nice change," Dr. Queen says.

Penis goes where during sex?

Dear Alice,
My new girlfriend and I had sex for the first time this weekend. Later in the evening, she was curious about something... "Where is that thing going???" she asked. She mentioned that full insertion was painful and she wanted to know what I was hitting, and "how far does it go?" Being admittedly a bit rusty on my knowledge of the anatomy of the female body, I told her that I thought it went no further than the "uvula" (whatever that is), but that I would do a little research, maybe see what I could get off the Net and get back to her.
— Need Directions

Dear Need Directions,
Since first times don't come with an instruction manual (e.g., insert peg A into slot B), sexual mechanics can be exciting or just plain confusing. It’s not clear whether it’s your first time together or one or both of your first time ever having sex. In any case, brushing up on anatomy and physiology may be just the ticket for both of you and pave the way for more pleasurable experiences in the future.
When you mentioned the uvula, perhaps you meant the vulva, or outer genitals for those assigned female at birth. These visible parts include:
•The inner and outer labia (the lips surrounding the vagina)
•The tip of the clitoris
•The clitoral hood or covering
•The opening of the urethra (where pee comes out)
•The opening of the vagina
There’s even more that’s not easily visible to the naked eye, which gets at the heart of your question. During vaginal sex (penetration), the penis goes into the vagina. The vaginal walls are made of soft tissue that molds around a penis, fingers, tampons, or other object placed there. The length of the vagina varies, but it's not "endless." The vagina stops at the cervix, a button-shaped entrance to the uterus (womb). Your penis may be "hitting" or bumping up against the cervix, which could be the source of your partner's discomfort.

Sex may be uncomfortable, especially during the first few rounds, but it doesn't have to be painful. Have you thought about slowing down or shifting gears? Would sex be more fun, and less confusing, if you spend some time getting to know the ins and outs of each other’s bodies first? When you and your girlfriend feel ready for take two, ample foreplay and lubrication can go a long way towards a more enjoyable sexual experience. For example, during arousal, the vagina will often lubricate, making penetrative sex more comfortable and it typically stretches out, which decreases the chances of "bumping into" the cervix. Also, a key component to sex is communicating before, during, and after to let each other know what does and doesn’t feel good — and it seems like you both have the beginnings of open and honest communication already. For more ways to minimize sexual discomfort and maximize pleasure, Our Bodies, Ourselves and Scarleteen may provide some enlightening reading.
If you or your girlfriend are still curious, you can talk with a health care provider about your anatomy quandaries. This may also be a great opportunity to be up-to-date with your respective sexual health check-ups, ensuring that each of your moving parts are in tip-top shape. For example, having a genital infection can result in pain and discomfort during sex. So, checking off sexually transmitted infection (STI) testing, pelvic exam, and pap test from the list (as necessary and indicated) is wise. Other reliable sources of information include a reproductive health care provider, a human sexuality text in your local bookstore, and Planned Parenthood.
As you and your girlfriend embark on a sexploration of possibility in the future, you may have questions about how your bodies work. A foundation in human biology, sexual health, and clear communication will give you a better idea of what you're, um, getting into.
Alice!

Where is the clitoris?

1) Hi Alice,
I have a stupid question. Where is the clitoris located exactly in the female's genitalia? If it differs per woman, what is the easiest way to locate it?
Thanks,
 Can't find
2) Dear Alice,
I really don't know where the clitoris is. I have tried many times to touch my girlfriend's clitoris, but she can't feel anything. Of course, she can't get any feeling from intercourse. What can I do now?
— Searching for the Wild Clitoris

Dear Can't find and Searching for the Wild Clitoris,
The clitoris may be a bit elusive to folks who haven't fully explored their partner's or their own body. Being the only body part to have the sole function of pleasure, it’s no wonder people wish to find it — and there are some insights to improve your seeking skills that are worth sharing. For starters, consider taking a look at a human sexuality textbook, or you can check out these diagrams from Scarleteen to orient yourself to this particular part. But it’s worth considering the journey along with your desired destination; while the clitoris has a lot of clout when it comes to sexual sensations, it may not be the summit of all that sizzles for every body.
As for the location of the clitoris, here are the ins and outs: typically, the place to start will be towards the top of the labia (the outer and inner skin folds), but below the mons pubis (the fatty tissue where pubic hair grows above the pubic bone). This is where a small piece of skin, called the clitoral hood is often found. You might guess what you might find beneath the hood — the glans of the clitoris, which is the external part and the one that is most often stimulated for pleasure. Yes, that’s right — there’s more beneath the surface! The external clitoris is just the tip of a branching interior system of erectile tissue that runs down towards the vaginal opening. This tissue responds to sexual arousal by filling with blood and becoming harder and erect. In turn, the external part of the clitoris will actually swell and retract underneath the clitoral hood — and this process of stimulation and arousal may also aid in its discovery because it may make it more visible. Beyond those who have experienced clitoral mutilation, the size and shape of the clitoris varies amongst folks who have a vulva, although its location remains fairly consistent.

The clitoris is the focus of pleasure sensation for many and may also be what is primarily stimulated to spur an orgasm. Identifying the clitoris may or may not be simple to do by touch, but paying close attention to your (or your partner’s) reactions may help you figure out if you're in the area or touching your partner in ways that they enjoy. If you’re asking about a partner, you might try talking with them about whether they enjoy clitoral stimulation. If they are, they're also likely to be your #1 personal tour guide to this pleasure point. For directions on this scenic route, you might put your partner's hand on top of yours to guide you. Searching for the Wild Clitoris, this may be an opportunity for you both to discover more about each other's likes and dislikes as well as each other's anatomy together. Have fun exploring each other's bodies — and remember that the more you learn is for their pleasure!
After the discovery has occurred, pleasurable stimulation of the clitoris may happen through a number of different modes including (but not limited to) rubbing, sucking, applying pressure, or using a vibrator or a dildo. Again, if partnered contact is being considered, communication is key to voice likes and dislikes. If this joyride is a solo one, pay attention to what feels good and what doesn’t. Although some people like direct touching on the glans of the clitoris, others find it's uncomfortable or too intense. Using a lubricant may ease friction (and add fun for you and your partner), but even still, some folks may find the glans to be too sensitive for direct touch. Further, focusing directly on the clitoris may also cause pleasurable sensations to disappear. So instead, indirect contact by rubbing on one or both sides of the clitoris, or wetting your fingers and rubbing them around and over the clitoris may be the ticket to pleasuretown. Gently rubbing or pulling the clitoris itself, or rubbing the hood or a larger area around the clitoris might also spark sensation. It’s worth it to try different styles and speeds to see what fits the feel-good bill for yourself or a partner.
All of this may lead folks, such as yourself, to the destination they were seeking and some ideas on what they might see and do when they get there. However, it’s also good to keep in mind that no matter where titillations take place on the body (clitoris or elsewhere), it’s the human brain that orchestrates and is responsible for the experience of pleasure and orgasms. So, just as what feels good when stimulating the clitoris varies from person to person, any feel-good vibes derived from stimulating other parts of the body will vary among different folks, too. As such, there's no need to limit yourself to just one focal point. Rather, consider yourself and any partner a painter’s palette for pleasure — one that inspires many options and combinations for body and mind delights. For more ideas on what and where to stimulate, check out the Go Ask Alice! Sexual & Reproductive Health archives, particularly the Genital Wonderings and Orgasms categories.