Traumatic masturbatory syndrome (TMS)?

Dear Worried about TMS,
Although it may be a bit of a touchy subject, rest assured that traumatic masturbatory syndrome isn't as scary as it sounds. In 1998, Dr. Lawrence Sank proposed a theory of sexual dysfunction called traumatic masturbatory syndrome (TMS) in which individuals with penises experienced delayed erectile dysfunction and delayed orgasms (anorgasmia). Dr. Sank attributed this syndrome to the fact that the subjects usually masturbated while lying face down — those assigned male at birth tended to rub their penises against their hand, the surface of the floor, bed, pillow, or whatever they were laying on, in order to ejaculate. Once they were re-trained to masturbate laying face up with their penises in their hands, their anorgasmia and erectile dysfunction supposedly became a thing of the past. It’s worth noting that this theory isn’t widely recognized in the medical community, and there hasn't been follow-up research to see if his claims are valid. If you still have some musings about masturbation and sexual function, read on!
Masturbating is healthy and common, as long as you're not getting hurt and it's not negatively interfering with other aspects of your life. It’s generally a low-risk sexual practice, although masturbating very vigorously can occasionally cause cuts, soreness, or bruising. Some objects may have shapes or properties that make them less-than-ideal masturbatory aids (such as citrus fruits or scratchy fabrics) and could cause irritation or pain. Some individuals with penises are concerned about their member breaking, but that’s extremely rare and only occurs when the penis is severly twisted. If people with penises masturbate a lot in a short period of time, it's also possible that an increase in fluids in penis could cause it swell, which, while alarming in appearance, will likely go away on its own in a couple of days.

For those having problems getting and maintaining an erection or ejaculating, researchers suggest there may be a number of emotional, psychological, or physical causes. Various health conditions may lead to people having trouble with sexual functioning, such as Parkinson's or multiple sclerosis. From the psychological perspective, for example, certain selective seratonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs), which are often prescribed as antidepressants, can lead to anorgasmia or other complications with sexual functioning. Additionally, it may also occur due to age, alcohol use, or smoking. From an emotional perspective, some may have trouble orgasming with a partner if there are communication or trust concerns.
There's no right way to masturbate, so feel free to enjoy yourself in whatever position you like best! But, if you're having problems enjoying the ride or you start to notice that masturbation is negatively affecting your everyday life, it may help to try different techniques or frequency. If that doesn’t seem to help, you might consider talking with a health care provider about your concerns. To learn more about difficulties with delayed erectile dysfunction, check out Can't ejaculate in the Go Ask Alice! Sexual & Reproductive Health archives.

Mismatched breasts

Dear Reader,
Breast assured, chest asymmetry is common and usually benign! Breast size and shape are unique to each breast-owner, and each breast can have its own distinct attributes. Some people's breasts don’t fill an A cup while others exceed a DD; one breast may be firm while the other sags; some are smooth under the skin and others are more lumpy. There might be differences in nipple-size or appearance, and some folks have one inverted nipple, while the other sticks out. While it’s likely that your different sized breasts aren’t a cause for concern, there are some options for you to explore, if you want a more symmetrical look. It also might help to know that breasts go through typical changes across the lifespan.
Believe it or not, breasts actually start to form in the womb! It’s only once puberty-driven hormones hit, however, that the breast buds enlarge. If you’ve just started developing breasts, one may grow faster than the other, so it can be difficult to know the degree of asymmetry until around age 20. The breast sizes may even out by the end of puberty or they may not — 25 percent of adults with breasts have some form of asymmetry. For those assigned female at birth, the fun doesn’t stop when puberty ends — even after breasts reach their full development, hormonal fluctuations can change their shape and appearance across the lifespan. For example, while menstruating, breasts become fuller and more tender; for those who are pregnant and nursing, they generally enlarge a great deal; and, for those who experience menopause, breasts may have more lumps.

There’s no need to get your bra in a twist over different sized boobs, and plenty of people rock their unique pair of breasts proudly! That being said, if you’re feeling especially self-conscious or concerned, there are a couple of actions you could consider taking. If you wear a bra, you may try wearing a bra with extra padding or an insert on one side, or, if you still have a pronounced (and distressing) difference after puberty, surgery is also an option.
Generally, differences between breast size and shape are nothing to worry about, but in some cases they can indicate existing conditions or risk factors. It’s possible that asymmetry could be caused by an injury to the breast before puberty or an abnormal rib cage or spinal structure. Studies have also found that there’s a slight correlation between a breast asymmetry ratio over 20 percent and breast cancer risk.
Since there are many individual differences in breast size and shape, it’s good to have an understanding of what’s "normal" for you. Becoming familiar with your breasts will help you notice any changes in the tissue that may be a cause for concern. If you detect anything different from the usual, it’s best to consult with your health care provider. For information on screening for early breast cancer detection, check out the American Cancer Association’s recommendations.

History of dildos

Dear Reader,
Dildos have a big... long... (wink wink) history that dates back thousands of years. The first dildo, discovered in a German cave, was thought to have been used by people during the Ice Age — 28,000 years ago! Since then, dildos reappeared consistently in cultures and societies across the world, and it’s been a source of anxiety, pleasure, and controversy throughout.
Ancient civilizations used a number of different objects as dildos and vibrators. One of the early civilizations to experiment with dildos was ancient Egypt. Egyptian paintings from 3,000 BCE show women wearing large phallic objects around their waists to pay tribute to the god Osiris. On top of that, legend has it that in 50 BCE, Queen Cleopatra filled a hollow gourd with bees, causing it to vibrate, and allegedly creating the first vibrator! In ancient Greece, people enjoyed using olisboi, which were stuffed phalluses made of polished leather. Back in those days, olive oil wasn't just a staple of the Greek diet — it doubled as the best lube available. The Greeks believed that a lack of sperm caused hysteria or a wandering uterus, so Greek men who left home for long periods of time to fight in wars often gave their wives olisbos to prevent hysteria (the link between hysteria and sex toys would last well into the 20th century and play a role in the invention of vibrators, as well). Other ancient texts from around the world, including the Arabian Nights, mention fruit, vegetables, and other penis-shaped objects being used for sexual stimulation and fulfillment. Italians provided the word diletto, meaning "to delight," from which the modern English word "dildo" evolved. By the time of the Renaissance, its creation had become an art form. Members of the upper classes had dildos custom made from silver, ivory, and other precious materials.
Later in history, in 17th century England, men were fearful of the threat that these ever-firm phalluses posed to their own sexual prowess, and a number of laws were passed to prohibit women making them for themselves and others. John Wilmot, Earl of Rochester, wrote a poem titled Signior Dildo, which touched on these fears by implying that the women of England were turning away from men, towards dildos. On the other hand, Japan showed a very different relationship to dildos during the same period in their erotic novels, known as shunga. In them, dildos weren't treated as threatening penis-replacers but instead were depicted more playfully. There are shunga that show women shopping for, masturbating with, or sitting in rooms decorated with dildos.

Information on early American dildo use is scarce, partially due to the Comstock Laws in the 1800s, which banned the sale of rubber dilators (which had previously largely been sold as medical devices). Despite these laws, however, sex toys were sold through an underground market. As in England, American men were concerned and threatened by dildos. In the 1930s and 40s, comics came out that included dildo use, but communicated the message that sex with men was superior. Ironically, despite this dildo-driven anxiety, vibrators buzzed by without any controversy, largely due to the fact that they were marketed as non-sexual.
The sexual revolution in the 1960s opened up the idea that masturbation was acceptable and normal, and dildos began to take on a new meaning as a tool for women’s sexual liberation from men. In the 1970s, Dell Williams and Betty Dodson responded to the fact that most dildos were produced by men by creating their own sex toys. They popularized the idea that dildos don’t have to look like penises, and they introduced the smooth, colorful, silicone aesthetic that’s still popular with many sex toys today. With the AIDS crisis of the 1980s, the dildo was seen as a way to have penetrative sex without risking infection, but consequently was pegged with a stigma that linked dildo use to HIV infection. Dildos have also played (and continue to play) a key role in allowing for gender play and sexual exploration. Strap on dildos give people of all genders the option of having a phallus and being penetrated with one and it challenges the belief that someone needs to have been assigned male at birth to have a penis.
Today, there are a seemingly unlimited array of materials to choose from when selecting dildos (not to mention sizes, shapes, and even vibrations). Both brick and mortal and online stores, such as Babeland offer a wide variety of toys, and great information about how to use them. Toys have continued to evolve, so going into a store to learn more about the options such as what kinds of lube to use with them, how they're powered (be it battery, plug in, etc.), and what materials they like may be a useful endeavor for people seeking them out. As sex toys come more into the mainstream, devices of today and tomorrow will add to a rich history of pleasure seeking.
Alice!

What's up with morning erections?

Dear Reader,
Contrary to what many believe, waking up with a flag at full mast isn’t the first time it’s at attention during the day. Morning erections are technically referred to as interrupted nighttime erections (or nocturnal penile tumescence), which can happen three to five times per night. They usually pop up (pun intended) during periods of rapid eye movement (REM) sleep and last around 30 minutes each. Those with penises who are older than 60 years may even have them during non-REM sleep. Unlikely due to urine buildup in the bladder or dream content, they’re both common and completely normal. 
These spontaneous woodies in the wee hours are thought to be caused by a combination of factors, including a shift from the sympathetic (fight or flight) nervous system to the parasympathetic (rest and digest) system. The parasympathetic nervous system is responsible for the body’s resting state. In fact, the parasympathetic nervous system is most active when you’re asleep. A common theory for nocturnal erections is that a full bladder can stimulate the sacral nerve (which runs from the brain to the pelvic area), a part of the nervous system, which then leads to an erection. Furthermore, the REM phase of sleep is when folks are most likely to dream, erotically or otherwise, potentially causing a full mast. Another factor that may contribute to pitching a mini tent is testosterone; it’s been correlated with a greater frequency of nighttime erections, and it’s at its highest levels in the morning — go figure. Similarly, yet less visually noticeably, those with vaginas experience REM-related engorgement of the clitoris and vagina as well. So despite the name, the common experience of "morning wood" has nothing to do with time of day, but rather the individual’s stage of sleep upon waking.

All that being said, nighttime stiff ones are common, typical experiences and generally aren't causes for worry. In fact, they’re a sign that the penis is in good working order. For those finding that they're not having any, it could be a sign of an underlying condition, such as diabetes, or a psychological ailment, such as depression. However, since erections are linked to sleep quality, they might not occur every night, even in healthy individuals. If morning wood, or any erection for that matter, lasts longer than four hours, it’s recommended to speak with a health care provider. 
Alice!

The best home remedies for menstrual cramps

Many women report having abdominal or pelvic pain at the beginning of their menstrual cycle. This symptom can range in severity from mild discomfort that lasts 1 or 2 days to painful, debilitating cramps. Many home remedies can help a person get relief.During a period, the uterus contracts to squeeze the lining away from the uterine wall and allow it to exit the body through the vagina. These uterine contractions cause painful cramps.

Most women experience cramps in the lower abdomen, although the pain can also radiate to the lower back, groin, or upper thighs. Menstrual cramps tend to be the worst at the beginning of a period and become less uncomfortable as the days go on.

Many home remedies can help relieve menstrual cramps, including the following:
Placing a hot water bottle or heating pad against the abdomen can relax the muscles and relieve cramps.

Heat helps the uterine muscle and those around it relax, which may ease cramping and discomfort.

A person can also place a heating pad on the lower back to get rid of back pain. Another option is to soak in a warm bath, which can help relax the muscles in the abdomen, back, and legs.

Gentle exercise

Although exercise may be the last thing that many women feel like doing when they have cramps, it may provide pain relief.

Strenuous exercise might not be beneficial if a person is in pain, but gentle stretching, going for a walk, or doing yoga may help. Exercise also releases endorphins, which are nature’s natural pain relievers.

A Taiwanese study found that 12 weeks of twice-weekly yoga classes reduced menstrual cramps in the study participants.

Orgasm

An orgasm is a great remedy for menstrual cramps. Similar to exercise, having an orgasm releases plenty of endorphins and other hormones that relieve pain, helping a person feel good.

Acupuncture

Research has shown that acupuncture can relieve menstrual cramps. This treatment may reduce inflammation, in addition to releasing endorphins and helping a person relax.

A person is more likely to benefit from an ongoing course of acupuncture than a single session.

Massage

Getting a massage or doing self-massage over the abdomen can also relax the pelvic muscles and alleviate cramping.

People can gently rub a massage oil, body lotion, or coconut oil into their skin.

How to stop your period early: Short-term and long-term methods

When your period comes at an inconvenient time, it can get in the way of your plans. Are there ways to speed up your period or make it stop once it has started?
The research on controlling periods in this way is limited, but certain methods may work for some people.
People can also use a form of hormonal birth control to plan when to have their periods or stop them entirely.
In this article, we look at how to speed up or stop your period after it has started, and provide long-term solutions for managing periods.

Can you make your period stop once it has begun?People may want to speed up their period for a range of reasons, such as an upcoming life event or holiday. This is particularly relevant to those who have irregular cycles, which make it harder to plan ahead.
There are no foolproof ways to make a period stop, but some methods can increase the speed at which the menstrual blood leaves the uterus, which may shorten the period.
People can try the methods below for speeding up a period once it has started:
Having an orgasm
Sex or masturbation that leads to orgasm can stimulate contractions in the uterus, which may result in more menstrual blood leaving the body through the vagina.
Although there is no scientific evidence to support this technique, there are no adverse side effects, so it is not risky to try it.
Getting some exercise

The movement of the muscles during exercise may also help more uterine blood exit the body, potentially reducing the duration of a period.
Exercise can also help relieve cramping in some people. Again, there is not much research on this, but it is worth trying as exercise offers many other benefits.
Avoiding using tampons
Tampons soak up menstrual blood, but they may also block some menstrual flow from the vagina, which could extend the duration of bleeding.
Sanitary pads should not hinder the menstrual flow, so some people feel that using them can help their period to end sooner.
Stopping periods when using birth control
People who are taking the combined contraceptive pill can plan their period to some extent as they know that it will come during the week that they are taking either the dummy pills or no pills.
If they have started their placebo pills or pill break for the week and their period has commenced, they could begin taking their next pack of pills.
Doing this will increase the level of hormones in their body, which may shorten the duration of bleeding, although there is no guarantee of this.
People can stop their periods in the long term by using hormonal birth control. Doctors refer to this as “menstrual suppression.”
Long-term methods for stopping your period include:
An intrauterine device (IUD) is a type of contraception that a doctor inserts into the uterus through the cervix.
People can get a hormonal or non-hormonal IUD. Hormonal IUDs may stop periods up to 80 percent of the time.
An IUD is a long-term contraceptive solution that will need replacing after 3–10 years, depending on the type and brand.
However, early removal of the device is possible for people who want to become pregnant or do not like having the IUD.
The combined pill
Combined birth control pills contain the hormones estrogen and progestin, which help suppress ovulation and keep the lining of the uterus thin.
People take active pills for 3 weeks and then either placebo pills or no pills for 1 week, during which they will get their period.
One way to stop periods is to skip the placebo or pill-free week and begin a new pack instead. This delivers a constant amount of hormones and should prevent a period from occurring.
According to estimates, this method works up to 80 percent of the time.
There are also some prescription pills available that only give people a period every 3 months. People can discuss this option with their doctor if they are interested.

Progestin shots
The DMPA shot, also known by the brand name Depo-Provera, is an injection of progestin that doctors deliver either under the skin or into the muscle. This medication inhibits the menstrual cycle.
After about 1 year of getting injections every 3 months, an estimated 70 percent of women do not get their periods.

Responses from an Unusual Sex Survey Pt. 3

Here's another survey response from the nearly 10,000 sex surveys I've received from the website for my book on sex:
How old are you?
22
Sexual Orientation
mostly straight
Do you have more, less or about the same amount of sex as your peers?
More! (new boyfriend for 2 months, and friends are single. that's probably the only reason.)
If you have a male partner, is his penis circumcised (cut) or uncircumcised (uncut)?
Uncircumcised (and you should hear his rant on circumcision...)
If you've had different partners, has intercourse felt better with certain ones?
Well, I've had 3 partners. Two of them were one night stands, and they were good. One of those one night stands was the night I lost my virginity, and it hurt. Now I have a boyfriend and the sex is ok, but mostly it keeps getting more amazing. I'm not sure whether it's because of the affectionate feelings we have for one another, because of our communication, or because of practice. There's certainly something to feeling secure enough in a relationship to ask for and discuss certain things with one another.
Can you recall when you first "discovered your clitoris" as having potential for pleasure?
Well, I suspect I sort of knew it existed as a child/young teenager, but a boy fingered me when I was 15 and my general thoughts at the time were "WHOA! What is that?! THIS IS AWESOME! MORE PLEASE."
During intercourse, do you prefer a partner to thrust in all of the way or part way?
I guess all of the way, usually.
Do you ever orgasm sooner than you would like?
When I'm masturbating, yes. During sex, rarely. My orgasms from masturbation are, well, smaller and less awesome than the ones I have during sex, and sometimes they're just... quicker and easier, but less fun.
If your partners have shaved, have you experienced stubble-related discomfort or other negatives?
It's the stubble on his face that causes discomfort! My chin can get all red from make out sessions, and scratchy stubble plus cunnilingus is a terrible combo.
What are the best and worst parts of giving a male partner oral sex?
It's smelly down there sometimes, my gag reflex makes actually putting his penis into my mouth intimidating, and honestly, I'm not sure what to do a lot of the time, but the best parts... my boyfriend is usually fairly quiet, and hearing, feeling, and seeing him react is amazing. Knowing that I'm giving someone else that much pleasure is really sexy, and confidence boosting. If you had asked me a year ago whether I would like to perform oral sex on any man, my answer would have been "EWW." There is something inherently icky about putting someone else's genitals, especially a penis, in your mouth, but now...well, I love what it does for him.

Do you watch porn when you are alone? If so, what kind do you like, and about how many hours a week do you watch it?
Yes, occasionally. Probably an average of 15 - 45 minutes per week. I like female solo porn, or occasionally lesbian porn. For some reason, I just don't like men in my porn, for the most part.
Can you recall a time when you were having sex that was particularly funny or embarrassing?
ALL OF THE TIME - just kidding. What's the point of sex if you're not having fun and can't laugh at yourself.
When you are in a relationship with a guy, how often do you give him a handjob to completion?
In the past week, twice. I would say maybe about 10% of our sexual encounters end in handjobs to completion.
When you are with a male partner, do you spend much time stroking his penis like you are giving him a handjob, but not to completion?
Yes.
Do you remove your pubic hair?
I trim my pubic hair, partially because my partner requested it to make cunnilingus easier. Since I enjoy cunnilingus, I was all for it. Also, swimsuit season is a part of it.
If you have hooked up with someone for only a night, what was the sex like?
The first time I had sex was a one night stand. It was fun, not wonderful sex, but exactly what I wanted - which was to lose my virginity, without too much emotional baggage. The other time, it was fun and funny at times, but not as good as sex with my current boyfriend.
If your partner(s) use condoms, do the condoms impact the sensation you receive from intercourse? If so, please describe in what ways.
We do use condoms! The one time we had sex without a condom, I did not like it as much. The lubricant on the condoms super helps. He said he enjoyed it without a condom, I was just ok with it.
About what percentage of the time do you have an orgasm during intercourse?
60% maybe? My boyfriend usually gets me off before we actually have intercourse, so i don't mind.
If you have orgasms during intercourse, do they happen from thrusting alone, or does it require fingers on your clitoris or grinding against his pubic bone?
Clitoris and grinding against pubic bone, definitely.
How do you feel about the fluids your vagina makes--too little, too much, just right, or... ?
Usually just right, occasionally too little.
If you masturbate, about how often do you do it and do you use your fingers or ???
I use my fingers and sometimes a stuffed animal, or an apple. Yeah. It's odd, but it works! And maybe once a week?
Approximately how many serious sexual relationships have you had in your life (with someone who you were exclusive with for at least 3 to 6 months)?
Well.... 2, i guess. Maybe. My high school boyfriend and i were together for a while, and the relationship i'm in now is exactly at the 2 month mark.
Approximately how many sexual partners have you had where there was not traditional relationship (fuck buddies, one-night stands, friends with benefits, etc.)
Oh... um... I think it was 12, but I've only had intercourse with 2 of them. The rest were make out sessions, groping, fondling, fingering, etc. or simple kissing.
Have you had sex with another woman?
Nope.
What kind or brand of birth control do you use? Has this had any impact (positive or negative) in your desire for sex since you started using it?
I've been on the pill since I was 18, I'm 22 now. So... basically my entire sexual history has been while I was on the pill. I'm about to switch to Nuva ring.
Please describe your experiences with anal sex.
None. I have discussed it with boyfriend, who is mildly interested, but I clench up every time we get into it or I start to imagine the details, so it seems unlikely in the near future.

Does Size Matter for Women?

The evolutionary significance of penis size has been a topic for abundant speculation, often packaged with the myth that the human phallus is far bigger than in other primates. However, the human penis is actually a little shorter, though much wider, than in bonobos and common chimpanzees. (See my January 3, 2015 post Penis Size Matters and the sequel Expanding on Penis Size of February 4.) Curiously—despite the unquestionable need to consider “goodness of fit” (with apologies to statisticians)—length and width of the vagina have barely been mentioned.
Size of the human vagina
In a rare discussion of female dimensions, in 2005 Jillian Lloyd and colleagues reported an average vagina length of just under four inches for 50 women, with extremes of two-and-a-half and five inches. Importantly, vagina length did not differ between women with previous births and those without. So the particularly challenging human birth process seemingly causes no lasting distension of the vagina. Yet David Veale and colleagues reported in a very recent survey covering some 15,000 men that the average length of a man’s erect penis is about five-and-a-quarter inches. This is somewhat less than previously reported, but even at that size, the average erect penis is a third longer than the average vagina. So it is hardly surprising that women reportedly care more about excessive penis length than men’s preoccupation with bragging rights.
Comparison with non-human primates
As usual, comparisons with non-human primates place human data in perspective. Alan Dixson’s book Primate Sexuality is once again a prime source, listing vagina lengths for humans and 27 other primate species. The four-and-a-half inches cited for human vagina length (from Bancroft, 1989) is about 10% greater than reported by Jillian Lloyd and colleagues, but still notably less than the length of the average erect penis. Plotting against female body weight, using Dixson’s data, reveals that vagina length scales to body weight with simple proportionality. Despite some scatter, a clear trend is evident and average vagina length for women actually lies close to the best-fit line. So women do not have a particularly long vagina compared to other primates. Strikingly, however, at a little over five inches, the vagina of female chimpanzees is distinctly longer than in women. Moreover, across the middle of the menstrual cycle, the sex skin in the genital region of female chimpanzees is conspicuously swollen, extending the vagina’s effective length by almost two inches.
Unfortunately, data on vagina width for primates are generally lacking, so it is unknown whether a woman’s vagina is relatively wider than in other primates.
The human clitoris

Anatomically, a woman’s direct counterpart (homologue) of a man’s penis is her clitoris. However, it differs distinctly because the penis has a dual role for urination and insemination. By contrast, a woman’s clitoris is connected solely with copulation and is not even involved in fertilization. The clitoris is a woman’s most sensitive erogenous zone and the main anatomical source of sexual pleasure. And it is isolated from the urinary tract, whose opening (urethra) is more than an inch away.
Despite its exclusive link to copulation, the clitoris has been shamefully neglected by investigators. In their 2005 paper, Jillian Lloyd and colleagues baldly commented: “ ... even some recent text books of anatomy do not include the clitoris on diagrams of the female pelvis.” These authors gave an average of three-quarters of an inch for externally measurable clitoris length. But there is extensive variation over an eight-fold range from one-fifth of an inch to one-and-a-half inches. Despite its small size, the so-called “love button” contains some 8,000 sensory nerve fibers, double the number in the dome of the penis and surpassing the density anywhere else in the body.
Two recent papers published in 1998 and 2005 by Helen O’Connell and colleagues greatly enhanced our understanding of clitoris anatomy. The first, based on dissection of 10 cadavers, revealed that the externally visible clitoris (the glans) is just one small part of a “clitoral complex” that is far more extensive than previously realized. Indeed, a 2012 blog post by Robbie Gonzalez aptly likened the overall complex to a mostly invisible iceberg. The second paper by O’Connell and colleagues used magnetic resonance imaging to study the fine structure of the clitoral system. On each side, the hidden part of the complex consists of a bulb and sponge-like body (corpus cavernosum) extending into a tapering arm (crus). The body and arm together are about four inches long, considerably longer than the external glans. The hidden clitoral complex is erectile, whereas this may not be technically true of the glans, although it does become engorged during sexual arousal. The bulbs and bodies together flank the vaginal opening and bulge when erect, compressing it.
In 2010, Odile Buisson used ultrasound scans to investigate the role of the clitoris while two volunteer doctors engaged in intercourse. The images revealed that inflation of the vagina by the penis stretched the root of the clitoris, such that it had a very close relationship with the front wall of the vagina, known as the G-spot. The authors concluded from their study: “The clitoris and vagina must be seen as an anatomical and functional unit being activated by vaginal penetration during intercourse.”
A functionless vestige?
In the words of Stephen Jay Gould (1993), “As women have known since the dawn of our time, the primary site for stimulation to orgasm centers upon the clitoris.” And the female orgasm has generally been the main context for discussions of the significance of the clitoris. (See my June 5, 2014 post Female Orgasms: Getting Off or Getting On?). Many proposed explanations boil down to the basic question of whether the clitoris and associated orgasms are adapted for some particular function or merely vestigial byproducts. Along with Gould, Elisabeth Lloyd forcefully advocated the notion that a woman’s clitoris, like a man’s nipples, is simply a functionless carry-over from shared early developmental pathways. The main argument underpinning this interpretation is that both occurrence of female orgasms and external clitoris size are so variable that they are seemingly not filtered by natural selection.
In a 2008 paper, Kim Wallen and Elisabeth Lloyd reported that variability in clitoris length is more than threefold greater than for vagina or penis length. However, in subsequent commentaries, David Hosken and Vincent Lynch noted two flaws in their argument. First, Hosken emphasized that variation in clitoris size may not tell us anything about female orgasm. Second, size variability does not, in fact, differ significantly between the clitoris and the penis. In principle, the variability measure used by Wallen and Lloyd—the coefficient of variation—cancels out differences in average size. However, clitoris length is less than one-sixth of penis length, so measurement error has a greater impact. To counteract this problem, Lynch compared variability in clitoris and penis volumes and found no significant difference. In any case, we should hardly expect to achieve meaningful results if we examine the tip of an iceberg instead of the entire thing!

Is Perfect Sex Possible?

According to movies, porn, and the Internet, first-class sex involves spontaneous arousal, intercourse, and mind-blowing orgasm. This great fantasy, of course, departs from many real-life couples' sexuality. I tell my clients if they have "Hollywood" sex once a month, they're beating 95% of American couples. Now a new model—"Good Enough Sex"—helps us diffuse misconceptions, and improve couples' overall experience.

It is intimidating to expect that anything other than "perfect" sexual performance—arousal, intercourse, and orgasm for the man, and orgasm, preferably during intercourse, for the woman—means there is something "wrong" with you or your relationship. By that definition, there is something sexually wrong with most men, women, and couples. Viagra and testosterone ads cater to men who fear they have medical problems—with claims that a pro-erection medication and/or testosterone enhancement can bring back the (perhaps) perfect sex of his 20s. Women are still waiting for their perfect pill.

The psychiatric manual DSM-V defines sex dysfunction—low desire, non-orgasmic response, or sexual pain for a woman, and premature ejaculation, erectile dysfunction, and ejaculatory inhibition for a man—as an individual performance problem. Healthy couple sexuality, however, is not about perfect sex performance; it is variable and flexible, with a range of roles, meanings, and outcomes. Although each person is responsible for their own sexual desire, arousal, and orgasm, ultimately sexuality is a team sport. Couple sexuality is about sharing pleasure, and not an individual performance.

The "Good Enough Sex" (GES) model (Metz and McCarthy, 2007) invites couples to share desire, pleasure eroticism, and satisfaction as intimate and erotic allies. GES empasizes positive, realistic sexual expectations, without requiring perfect intercourse. Although the valued scenario is a mutual, synchronous experience, we know that fewer than 50% of all sexual encounters will achieve that goal. While 85% of sexual encounters are in fact positive for participants, most are still asynchronous; that is, better for one partner than the other. (For couples under 40, sex is typically better for the male; for couples over 60, it tends to be better for the female.)

GES recognizes the varied roles, meanings, and outcomes of couple sexuality, rather than endorsing an unrealistic demand for perfect performance. It is normal, within any relationship, for 5-15% of sexual encounters to be mediocre, dissatisfying, or even dysfunctional. Couple sexuality is anti-perfection. The key to healthy couple sexuality is to turn toward your partner, laugh or shrug off a negative experience, and get together again in the next 1-to-3 days when you are open and receptive to a pleasurable sexual experience.

Sex, of course, does not equal intercourse—and intercourse and orgasm do not represent pass-fail tests. GES is about an awareness that sexuality involves sensual, playful, and erotic touching in addition to intercourse. And when sex does not flow to intercourse, healthy couple sexuality involves transitioning to a different sensual or erotic scenario, rather than apologizing or panicking.

Embracing Good Enough Sex empowers and motivates couples for honest, real-life sexuality with multiple roles, meanings, and outcomes.

Mind The Gap

In sex, especially in casual hook-up sex, men orgasm more frequently than women. This has been referred to this as The Orgasm Gap. Various things have been proposed to explain it. Male laziness, and sexual ineptitude? A lack of female assertiveness about what they want? Is it that females are basically broken versions of males that are not designed to have orgasms anyway? This last idea has been championed by Elizabeth Lloyd in her 2005 book--largely based on a reading of Masters and Johnsons pioneering work which I have discussed elsewhere and don’t want to rehash here. However, what I do want to discuss is work that occurred at the same time but has not received the same coverage. At the same time that Masters and Johnson were measuring half a dozen people masturbating in a lab, and thereby concluding that female orgasm did nothing, there was another team in the UK investigating orgasm in rather a different way. This was the husband and wife team of the Foxes.

Insuck
Through using inserted radio telemetry devices the Fox team found that orgasm through intercourse generated internal pressure changes that could cause insuck (1) of sperm. The couple in question had been having sex together for ten years, knew each well, and were in their own bed. For all their pioneering zeal, Masters and Johnson may have neglected to appreciate that sterile laboratories are not places conducive to the full range of sexual response.
 One of the relevant graphs about the pressure changes found by the Fox team is reproduced  below. But, before you look at it, a quick quiz—and no peeking at the answer underneath. Can you tell--just by looking at the graph--why some of the most eminent scholars in the field have dismissed the Foxes findings as showing the exact opposite of what they claim they show?
Did you spot it? The arrow showing the direction of time goes the opposite way from which you would expect. Normally, Time is depicted going from left to right in a graph. The Fox team showed time going right to left. A little ferreting around resulted in some of the most eminent scholars in my field confessing to me that they had been effectively holding the crucial graph (and a bunch of others) the wrong way up for the last twenty-odd years.


Peristaltic pumps
So, was this early series of studies just an isolated but heroic effort, doomed to lie, unreplicated? Not at all. The research programme started by the intrepid Fox team has been continued. Science moves on and techniques like hysterosalpingoscintigraphy, electrohysterography, and Doppler sonography that no-one knew about (or could even spell) in the 1970s have become available. Wildt et al’s (1998) team found—with a sample of fifty women this time-- that the system was a “peristaltic pump” that delivered sperm-like substances to the fertile follicle when stimulated by oxytocin—a known correlate of orgasm. Zervomanolakis et al (2007) found that this system increased fertility when functioning correctly. Now, oxytocin and orgasm are correlated but uterine contractions are one thing, orgasm is another (2). It could still be the case that the pleasurable effects of female orgasm signify nothing. So, if female orgasm occurs so irregularly, can it really be an adaptation?

Different kinds of adaptations
Some recent studies have treated female orgasm as an on/off capacity—you either have it or you don’t. As I have argued previously—this could be a mistake. Some traits are what is known as obligate--a good example would be height. Height doesn’t change in response to day to day environmental inputs--although your eventual height will be different depending on developmental inputs like nutrition. However, once you have the trait of being 6 feet tall this doesn’t change an awful lot. A facultative adaption is rather different—it’s an “if—then” trait. If X happens then Y follows. Skin tans in response to sunlight. No sunlight, skin forever pale. However, it would be a mistake to conclude that pale skin did not have the capacity to tan. A facultative adaptation “implies sensing and control mechanisms whereby the nature of the response can be adaptively adjusted to the ecological environment” (Williams, 1966, pp 81-82). Well, gee, that sounds like a romantic night out.

Non-random selection
If female orgasm occurred without pattern then perhaps we would be forced to agree that it has no function. But this is not the case. A predictable range of partner characteristics are correlated with female sexual response. I will go into detail about these in a longer blog post in the future but for the moment I just want to note one—partner smell. The women we interviewed frequently cited smell as an important partner characteristic that predicted orgasmic responses. Why is this important? Because smell conveys information about genetic compatibility. Many will now be aware of the famous smelly T-shirt experiments, where a shirt worn for a few days can be either disgusting or appealing to the opposite sex depending on how different the genes of the wearer are. Mixing genes means strong immune systems in a potential baby. But there is no point in a differential female sexual response unless there are a variety of partners to differentiate.

Try before you buy
For the sake of argument let’s accept that the multiple sensations and measurable effects of female orgasm are actually doing something useful. What drives them? There are various options for what female orgasm may be doing. One is the pair-bond hypothesis. In this view orgasm cements a bond with a potential father who will be needed to help care for a child. Another, somewhat opposed view, is the mate selection theory. This makes rather opposite predictions—namely that sex with high quality males will be especially likely to result in conception. Another possibility, much championed at the moment, is that female orgasm does nothing—existing only because of strong selection on males to have orgasms. I have argued at length elsewhere why I think that this view relies on anatomical naiveté. There is another possibility to consider—a sort of hybrid of the mate choice and pair bond hypotheses that makes somewhat different predictions to either of them. Sire choice.

Sire choice
Humans in love are the delight of all their friends. How we others—not so blessed by Cupid’s arrow at that present moment—adore hearing tales of how this particular special person is the sweetest, cuddliest, most wonderfulest example of humanity ever to have graced the earth with the tread of their foot. We (on the outside) are frequently agog at the fascinating stories of how this new paramour wrinkles their cute nose at certain cheeses or how they (too) think Godfather 3 is the best of the series. Humans are daffy about each other when they are in love. Oxytocin and dopamine do that to a human brain. Oxytocin, in particular, is generated through orgasm. During this daffy period—more technically referred to as a consortship by primatologists—any time not spent thrilling their friends with tales of their love-- the two primates in question are,  err…consummating said love.

Lesbian bed death
This state of daffiness does not, alas, last forever. The sociologist Pepper Schwartz coined the term Lesbian Bed Death to refer to how same-sex female couples tend to have less and less sex the longer the relationship goes on. However, the same pattern is true of heterosexual partnerships as well. This discovery doesn’t deal a death blow to the pair-bond hypothesis—but it certainly needs explaining how a couple manages to stay together long after the hypothesised glue starts to lose its stickiness. Helen Fisher found that across the world the peak time for break-ups was five years—about enough time to grow a baby to viability. In another recent study it was found that after four years of marriage fewer than half of women desired regular sex. Recent sexual advice from a 98 year old woman—that to keep your marriage successful, one should treat it as an affair—would seem to back this up. Those that scoff at this advice might find that one person in the relationship has already taken it.
In computing sometimes something appears to be malfunctioning when, in fact, it’s working just the way it was designed. The orgasm gap certainly exists. Men orgasm more than women during penetrative sexual intercourse. As I mentioned before--the number of male orgasms across the planet is 18000/second. Comparing this to the number of births (4.4/second) would seem to make male orgasm very inefficient at producing babies. Male orgasm is wanton, female orgasm is picky. This is despite the fact that women are not limited by physiology from orgasmsing. Many can do so multiple times—whereas the typical male has a refraction period of an hour or so.

Does this all go to show that female orgasm does nothing? Hardly. Lots of things about female sexuality is picky. Females are picky about partners, picky about when to have sex. Are they (unconsciously) picky about the times and places they orgasm? Probably. Are inept and uncaring males good choices to sire a baby? Probably not. These patterns can be measured.

Over to you
Our research team here at UCC is investigating these competing explanations. Building on previous work that found differential female response to different partner behaviours and traits we have devised a way to help decide which of the competing explanations is more likely to be true. We have piloted it and results are, in a preliminary way only, promising. We need participants. If you are interested then drop me a line and I will explain more details. It’s totally anonymous, and totally in the privacy of your own home. You will need to be female, and aged over 18. There is no upper limit on age—a spread of ages would be especially nice. Thanks in advance.

Come Again

What do 805 Professional nurses know?

A multiple orgasm when they experience one. And enough about theanatomy and physiology of sexual responsiveness not to blush at adetailed questionnaire. And so they came to reveal the secrets of themultiorgasmic experience to a team of scientific researchers from theUniversity of Wisconsin.

First off, women who have multiple orgasms prove different fromthose who don't. They are more likely to have examined their clitoris,and to have both given and received oral-genital stimulation. They liketheir bare breasts fondled and their nipples kissed. They are more likelyto enhance clitoral stimulation during intercourse by thigh pressure or masturbation.

They are more likely to have engaged in mental stimulation viaerotic fantasies, films, and literature. And they discovered somepleasures at an earlier age: sensations from the clitoris, masturbation,and orgasm.

Women with multiple orgasms don't just get them by accident. Havingidentified what they like, they choose the techniques that maximize theirpleasure and communicate to their partners what arouses them most, theresearchers report in Archives of Sexual Behavior.

More than anything, to transmute the sensations of physiology intothe psychology of satisfaction takes a sensitive and communicativepartnership. The emotional interaction that comes with partnerinvolvement makes women who usually experience multiple orgasm moresatisfied with sexual intercourse than their singly orgasmicsisters.

Able to satisfy more of their sexual needs, these women arewell-equipped to form stable, satisfying relationships. They may be thevanguard in bringing sex back home.

6 Reasons that Women Fake It During Sex

The experience of faking orgasm during sex is one to which most women can relate. In fact, in one of the most famous Seinfeld episodes of all time, “The Mango,” Elaine admits to pretending to have orgasm when she and Jerry had sex (“fake, fake, fake, fake”). This award-winning episode, watched on 29% of all American televisions in use at the time, clearly resonated with millions of women.  Over 20 years later, with all the changes that have occurred in society’s acceptance of female sexuality, is faking orgasms still common among women?
According to Western University psychologists Claire Salisbury and William Fisher, the answer would seem to be "yes." They report that the majority of women (70%) do not experience orgasm during intercourse, compared to the vast majority of men (90%) who do. Younger women are even less likely than their more experienced older counterparts to climax during intercourse.  It takes time, apparently, for women (and their partners) to figure out the magic formula for stimulating a woman to orgasm during male-female intercourse.
This situation presents a dilemma for the average women, again, particularly for the younger woman. Romantic depictions of heterosexual intercourse consistently emphasize the importance of men and women having an orgasm not only during the same interaction, but virtually at the same time. Indeed, the earlier the woman can finish, the better for all concerned.  As shown in popular shows today, such as “Scandal,” male-female sex scenes result in almost instantaneous orgasm for both partners despite the lack of foreplay or even removing very much clothing. Exposed to these depictions, the woman who doesn’t experience orgasm quite so readily, or even at all, may feel she has no choice but to emulate Elaine’s “fake, fake, fake, fake.”
Media depictions of women might contribute to the likelihood that women fake orgasm, then, but Salisbury and Fisher decided to put the question to the test. The researchers formed small focus groups of undergraduate women and men (separated by gender) and asked them to talk about their beliefs and experiences surrounding lack of female orgasm.  There were a maximum of five participants per group, so each member had the opportunity to have his or her views represented.
The focus group method produces a large amount of qualitative data that are not as readily subjected to statistical analysis as survey or even structured interviews. Salisbury and Fisher’s job was to take the verbatim recordings of the sessions and translate them into understandable themes. These are the 6 prominent themes that they identified among women's responses, along with explanations of each:
1. Women are responsible for psychologically preparing themselves for orgasm. According to the focus group members, men are responsible for the physical stimulation, but women need to get their gameface on in order to achieve orgasm. Whether it’s better to carry the physical vs. the psychological burden is a debatable question.  However, because it’s their responsibility to get in the right frame of mind (focused attention, receptive to the man’s actions), if women don’t achieve orgasm, it can be seen as a lack of emotional commitment not to be swept away by their partner's adroit moves.

2. Female orgasm isn’t necessary for a woman to be sexually satisfied during sex. For a sexual encounter between a man and woman to end “successfully,” so the participants thought, it’s only the man who needs to achieve orgasm. It’s a “bonus” if the woman does as well. According to one participant, “An orgasm would be the icing on the cake” (p. 621).
3. Women need to boost the male’s ego during sex . Paradoxically, though orgasm would clearly be pleasurable for the woman, these participants believed that the man benefits more from the woman’s achieving climax during sex than she does herself. If a woman doesn’t have an orgasm, so the thinking goes, her male partner’s ego is hurt. Women, instead of focusing on their own pleasure, then, are wondering if they’re going to be able to satisfy their partners by showing the “right” response. As one woman stated: “Sometimes you have to [fake orgasm] because you’re going to upset the person.”
4. Women assume they’re being judged by the man, but rarely communicate this concern. Saddled with their beliefs that they are psychologically responsible for orgasm, don’t need it to experience pleasure, and have to fake it to please their partners, it’s natural for women to assume that their partners are judging them on how well they contribute to a positive outcome. Too embarrassed or unsure of themselves, women avoid letting their male partners know he’s “failed.” Interestingly, the men their own focus groups reported that communicating about the sexual experience was important to them, though only in committed (vs. casual) relationships. Women may be surprised, then, to learn that the man they care about also cares about their sexual pleasure.
5. Women place more value on the man’s pleasure than their own. Because they don’t want to bruise their partner’s ego, women are inhibited from acting on their own desires to be stimulated to orgasm in ways other than intercourse. We may see this as a function of their age and relative inexperience, but at least for the women in this sample of undergraduates, the request to follow up sexual intercourse with manual stimulation seems to have the potential to be “devastating to a man’s self-esteem” (p. 622).
6. It’s more acceptable to fake orgasm in a casual encounter. Women, like men, value communication about sexuality in a committed vs. casual relationship. Faking orgasm, they believed, was not acceptable in a committed relationship. However, women still find it difficult to communicate their concerns to their close male partners.
Salisbury and Fisher see the motivation to fake orgasm in women as reflecting the belief they share with men that it's the man's job to be the successful performer in the sexual encounter. Women, consequently, worry more about making their partners feel inadequate than about their own sexual satisfaction.
Ironically, if men realized that women view orgasm as the frosting on the cake, rather than the cake itself, it would take the pressure off of them and, ultimately, their partners. Both partners could, as a result, become more mindful and present in the moment rather than weighing themselves down with expectations and fears about the meaning of their encounter.
The second source of irony in male-female sexual interactions is the woman’s belief that her partner won’t want to stimulate her to orgasm. The men in the Salisbury and Fisher sample stated that they were “turned on” when their partners were, no matter how their partners became aroused to climax.
In summary, a woman fakes an orgasm to preserve her partner’s feelings and, quite possibly, the relationship.  However, the study suggests that the path to preserving the feelings of both partners, and the relationship, lies not in faking but in establishing honest and open communication. Given the added meanings we impute to sexuality, such communication may be difficult, but in the long run will promote lasting emotional as well as sexual fulfillment.
Follow me on Twitter @swhitbo for daily updates on psychology, health, and aging. Feel free to join my Facebook group, "Fulfillment at Any Age," to discuss today's blog, or to ask further questions about this posting.
Copyright Susan Krauss Whitbourne 2015
Reference:
Salisbury, C. A., & Fisher, W. A. (2014). “Did You Come?” A Qualitative Exploration of Gender Differences in Beliefs, Experiences, and Concerns Regarding Female Orgasm Occurrence during Heterosexual Sexual Interactions. Journal of Sex Research, 51(6), 616-631. doi:10.1080/00224499.2013.838934

7 Factors Affecting Orgasm in Women

According to another Psychology Today blog post, by Lisa Thomas, approximately 25% of women have difficulty achieving orgasm or have never experienced one, and even for women who are orgasmic, the frequency is only around 50-70% of the time. Other researchers have found that most women do not routinely (and some never) experience orgasm during sexual intercourse.

There are a number of physiological factors that can inhibit a woman’s sexual desire and her ability to reach climax: hormone imbalance, low testosterone, medications such as anti-depressants, her anatomy (the distance between the clitoris and the vagina), and, of course, partner issues.
These can include the partner’s lack of appeal or insensitivity, and, in relation to a male partner, insufficient knowledge of the female body and premature ejaculation. To make matters worse, focusing on having a climax creates pressure in a woman that runs counter to sexual arousal; telling herself to “relax” simply doesn’t work.

Many developmental issues can also affect women’s sexuality: Parents’ intrusiveness, emotional hunger, withholding of affection, indifference, hostility, and intolerance of being loved leave lasting scars on their offspring. Women can react to the resulting emotional pain by developing poor self-concept or body image, distrust of their partner, and other protective and pseudo-independent defenses that, in turn, predispose alienation in their relationships. Basically insecure (anxious or avoidant) attachment patterns they developed in childhood persist into adult life and strongly influence numerous aspects of sexual relating.

In this blog post, we focus on seven psychological factors that tend to negatively impact a woman’s sexual desire, arousal, and orgasmic capacity. The list is not meant to exhaust all possible psychological issues; however, in our clinical experience, we have found these to be fundamental and understand them to be useful in helping women achieve richer, more satisfying sex lives.

1. Critical thoughts toward one’s body: Many women experience intrusive thoughts or critical inner voices about their body that interrupt the smooth progression of sexual excitement that typifies the arousal cycle of approaching orgasm. They can have self-conscious thoughts about their breasts: Your breasts are small. They’re not like other women’s breasts. Your breasts are misshapen. Or they may have negative thoughts about their genitals. Your vagina is too large. You’re too dry. You’re not clean, so don’t have oral sex.

Some women internalize their parents’ negative attitudes toward bodily functions during toilet training, thereby developing images of their bodies and sexuality as dirty. In particular, the genital area becomes imbued with an anal connotation and is confused with excretory functions. Women’s shameful feelings about this area may extend to anything below the waist, (including menstruation) and they may end up feeling dirty or contaminated in a manner that can interfere with their becoming aroused or achieving orgasm.

When women have negative thoughts about different parts of their bodies, they can find it difficult to take pleasure in being touched in those specific areas. If they feel critical about their body image in general, it is more difficult for them to fully enjoy sex.
2. Perceiving sex as immoral or bad: Many women have acquired distorted views about sex early in life during the process of socialization. In general, parents’ negative attitudes toward nudity, masturbation, and sex play have a powerful influence on both male and female children’s feelings about sexuality and the sex act.

As a result, people typically grow up viewing some sex acts as acceptable and clean, and others as dirty and bad. In addition, some religions, especially rigid belief systems, perceive sex as an expression of the sinful nature of human beings. When women take on these attitudes, they tend to see sex as forbidden, shameful, and bad. They feel guilty about wanting, seeking or experiencing pleasure in lovemaking, and expect negative consequences or actual punishment.

3. Guilt about breaking the mother-daughter bond with a mother who is sexually repressed: As explained in Sex and Love in Intimate Relationships, “Girls learn by observation and imitation to be like the mother and feel strange or uncomfortable when they are different from their role model.” Therefore, when a mother is held back sexually, it is very difficult for her daughter to go beyond her in terms of enjoying sexual fulfillment in her adult relationship.

A woman’s guilt and fear in relation to surpassing her mother in this area are often transferred to other women in her life. Because of these feelings, women are sometimes afraid of standing out from their peers as mature, sexual women.
4. Fear of arousing repressed sadness: For many women, feelings of sadness related to emotional pain in childhood surface during a sexual experience, especially when sexuality is combined with emotional intimacy. For women who were mistreated or rejected early in life and feel unlovable, the contrast of being loved, pleasured, and sexually fulfilled brings out deep and painful emotional responses. When women try to hold back their sad feelings, they become cut off from themselves, both emotionally and physically, and removed from the sexual interaction.

In Beyond Death Anxiety, I note that “a close sexual experience can also cause individuals to become acutely conscious of their existence. They experience a heightened awareness of themselves and the value of their lives. Paradoxically, these uniquely positive feelings come with a price—the special appreciation of life makes them aware of deep and painful sadness that their lives are terminal.” For this reason, many women pull away after an especially intimate encounter.

5. Fear of being vulnerable: In my latest book, The Self Under Siege, I write, “Accepting love leads to a feeling of increased vulnerability and challenges aspects of the negative identity formed in the family of origin.” A woman may enjoy casual sexual encounters, but “as a relationship becomes more meaningful and intimate, being loved and positively acknowledged can threaten to disrupt one’s psychological equilibrium by piercing core defenses.”

Depending on another person to satisfy one’s wants and needs breaks into the defensive posture of being self-sufficient and pseudo-independent. Being open and receptive to another person threatens an inward, isolated, self-soothing way of protecting one’s self from emotional hurt. Combining sex and love leads to a sense of vulnerability and is anxiety-provoking because many women and men are afraid of being completely committed to a significant other, especially if they have been previously hurt emotionally.

6. Fear of arousing repressed memories of abuse and trauma: Being close sexually to a partner and freely experiencing orgasm tend to trigger unwanted memories in women whose histories include sexual abuse or molestation. Estimates are that one out of three to four women were abused sexually or experienced some type of inappropriate sexual contact with a relative or stranger before they were 18.

In these cases, being sexual can be unconsciously associated with the abuser, particularly when the abuser is a family member, and sex becomes guilt-provoking, tinged with emotional pain, and unacceptable in the woman’s mind. Any similarity between her partner and the family member increases the probability that these memories will emerge.

7. Fear of loss of control: Women who rely heavily upon maintaining control as a self-protective defense mechanism are prone to be resistant to a freely expressive sexual encounter. This can show up in an overall fear of losing control or in more specific fears, such as fears of making noise or moving, or even fears of urinating or defecating when letting go. Control is related to existential issues of life and death. Faced with issues of death anxiety, people tend to detach themselves from their animal nature and disconnect from a body that they know is mortal. This dissociation can inhibit feeling pleasurable responses in the here and now interaction during sex.

Conclusion
In the final chapter of Sex and Love in Intimate Relationships, I write, “It is valuable for men and women to develop a compassionate understanding of themselves and how they function in an intimate relationship. It also is important that they come to realize that their problems in relating sexually and being close emotionally are not unusual in our culture.” My associates and I have found that many women have been able to overcome their fears and sexual inhibitions by becoming familiar with and working through the seven factors in this article.       

Do Wealthy Men Give More Orgasms?

The female partners of wealthy Chinese men report more frequent orgasm according to a study by researchers at Newcastle University, in England. Why? According to study authors, Thomas V. Pollet and Daniel Nettle, wealthy men are more desirable and thus "cause women to experience more orgasms." A fat wallet drives women wild with desire.
Public outrage
Popular reactions to these claims in England, Australia, and the U.S. have varied from, "Don't bother, we knew it already," to angry denials that money is the real source of all the excitement. After all, partners of wealthy men are often wealthy women. Wealthy women are happier and healthier, so why wouldn't they experience greater sexual pleasure? They are more educated, so they can read up on sexual technique. Yet, happiness, health, and education are not likely to be responsible for income differentials in female orgasm because the authors statistically removed these factors in their paper that is soon to appear in Evolution and Human Behavior.
They could not remove other possible sources of confusion, though. It could be that the sort of women who marry, or live with, wealthy men are just intrinsically more orgasmic. Perhaps they have higher estrogen levels, or are more physically attractive. They might feel better about their appearance. Their childhoods may have been less stressful and their relationships with parents more affectionate. Perhaps they work less and are less physically exhausted when they go to bed. Or maybe they just see the world through rose-colored spectacles and are more likely to say they reach orgasm "always" as opposed to "often," "sometimes," "rarely," or "never," whether this is true or not.
A cold shower of skepticism
Correlation is not the same as cause and, strictly speaking, one cannot legitimately conclude that wealthy male partners generate female orgasms without tidying up all of the many loose ends. There are plenty of reasons for skepticism. To begin with, many women would reject the argument that their orgasms are simply "given" to them by men. Another study of self-reported orgasm frequency also found that it was unrelated to the man's financial prospects. This raises the possibility that results produced in a survey of Chinese women do not hold up in other societies.
Moreover, when women say they have experienced orgasm, we do not have to believe them. That is not because they are willing to lie, like Elaine in Seinfeld, but because women tend to define orgasm in terms of an emotional high rather than just involuntary muscular contractions and accompanying physical sensations. This fact was uncovered by sexology pioneers Masters and Johnson, who found that women experiencing physiological orgasm according to reliable scientific measures often denied the orgasm in verbal reports. (Similar unreliability emerged when women denied being aroused by pornographic videos despite blood flow measurements indicating that they definitely were). Female reports of orgasm are so intrinsically subjective that they are tough to use as scientific data without some sort of corroborating evidence, whether from electrophysiological monitoring devices or from partners.

Size matters
The size of the man's wallet is a notorious aphrodisiac, according to evolutionary psychologists who point to the amorous successes of well-off dudes from King Solomon to Magic Johnson. Yet, there is little in the way of a clear connection between a man's income and his romantic allure. Indeed, poor men typically begin having sex earlier and may devote more time and attention to seducing women. Their increased mating effort can mean that they have more sexual partners.
It is not just the size of the wallet that matters but the size of the effect in Pollet and Nettle's study. How important is a man's income? It accounts for just under a fiftieth of the differences in self-reported orgasm frequency according to their statistical analysis. In other words, 98% of the differences in self-reported orgasm frequency are not explained by the man's income. That is a very small fraction of a very squishy measure. Marrying a wealthy man is not exactly a high road to orgasmic bliss. Perhaps the angry reactions are justified after all.
1 Pollet, T. V., & Nettle, D. (in press). Partner wealth predicts self-reported orgasm frequency in a sample of Chinese women. Evolution and Human Behavior, 30 (March), 146-151. www.ehbonline.org/article/S1090-5138(08)00117-7/abstract
2 Masters, W. H., & Johnson, V. E. (1966). Human sexual response. Boston: Little Brown.
3 Barber, N. (2002). The science of romance: Secrets of the sexual brain. Amherst, NY: Prometheus.