7 Myths About the G-Spot You Should Stop Believing Right Now

STOCKSY

Even though we’re all adults capable of having mature and informed conversations about sex, the G-spot remains a mystery that no one seems to understand completely. It’s like Stonehenge: How did it get there, and what purpose does it serve? Though I actively choose to believe that aliens are responsible for Stonehenge, when it comes to the G-spot, there’s a little bit more research we can tap into.

Here, I debunk seven of the most commonly-heard myths about the G-spot and replace them with facts. Of course, some mysteries remain, but the more we understand, the more study can be done in support of finding out the answers.

MYTH: “The G-spot isn’t real.”

Here’s what we know: The G-spot is very real and located on the anterior wall of the vagina, usually about an inch or two inside the vaginal canal. “It will feel rich, almost like the top of your mouth, just a little bit bumpy,” says Holly Richmond, PhD., somatic psychologist and certified sex therapist. She elaborates that it’s usually about the size of a dime or your pinkie finger.

Now, because all bodies are different, yours may vary in shape or location. But you’ll likely know when you’ve found it because it feels spongier than the rest of the vagina, and putting pressure on it can make you feel like you have to pee. Dr. Richmond’s advice for finding yours? “Set yourself up in a place where you’re comfortable, relax, and just take your time with it.”

MYTH: “Masturbation is the only way to find your G-spot.”

Masturbation, in general, is probably the best (and the safest) way to learn about your own anatomy. After all, there’s no worrying about STIs or what another person is thinking. It’s just you, your hands, and your body (plus a sex toy or two, if you please). In that way, yes, solo play is a fantastic way to find your G-spot and learn what it does for you.

That said, everyone is different, and while I’ll root for masturbation all day, sometimes people enjoy internal stimulation better when it’s at the hands of a partner. And that’s cool, too. “Some people with vulvas find that it’s more challenging to stimulate their own G-spot than it is to have someone else stimulate it,” says sex-positive psychologist Liz Powell, Psy.D. According to Dr. Powell, it’s easier to find your G-spot while aroused, as the area swells and becomes more prominent. Foreplay with someone you’re into may be more of a turn-on than going in solo with the express purpose of finding your G-spot. If you’re exploring on your own, I recommend reading erotica, watching porn, or fantasizing, and proceed as if G-spot exploration is just another part of your masturbation routine.

MYTH: “There’s one particular way to stimulate the G-spot.”

My magic trick for experiencing G-spot pleasure is to have a partner take two fingers and massage the inside of my vagina with a “come hither” motion, but that’s just me. For others, it may be a rabbit vibrator. Some people prefer their own hands. In fact, there is no one-size-fits-all G-spot trick. Fortunately, you could have a great time finding one that works for you.

Stocksy

MYTH: “G-spot stimulation is entirely different than clitoris stimulation.”

For a long time, whenever someone talked about the G-spot or G-spot orgasms, it was in a context that kept the G-spot and the clitoris separate. But the pair are actually two great erogenous zones that go great together. New research suggeststhat the clitoris is a much larger structure than just the little bump at the top of the vulva. In fact, it has legs that extend beyond the hood and down towards the vaginal opening. That means that the G-spot is, in fact, the internal clitoris.

Unfortunately, as with all areas of sexual health (and especially those pertaining to vaginas), more research is needed to understand the G-spot and its relation to the clit. “We know a lot about penises, and how penises work,” Dr. Powell says. “All of the sexual functioning and sexual pleasure for people with vaginas needs a lot more research.”

So the bad news is that the medical research community is, like a lot of society, patriarchal and neglectful of women’s needs. The good news? Regardless of whether the G-spot is part of the clit or something completely separate, you’re allowed to enjoy whatever kind of stimulations give you pleasure.

MYTH: “Squirting is just pee.”

Whether the fluid that comes out in an orgasmic squirt is or is not pee very well may be the biggest controversy within the sexual health community. Research exists that suggests it’s not pee, but rather fluid from the Skene’s glands that contains some pee because it’s excreted from the urethra. As a result, some sex educators will argue that squirt is not pee until the day they die. However, other research says, yup, it’s probably pee.

Controversial statement: As a person with a vagina who squirts, I don’t care if it’s pee or not. It’s dope, and I only date partners who agree. A little pee never hurt anyone and, as with the clitoral debate, more research is needed.

MYTH: “G-spot stimulation is the only way to experience squirting.”

While squirting is most associated with G-spot stimulation, that’s not the only way to achieve it. Some people with vulvas can in fact squirt from intense clitoral stimulation. “It’s rarer that people squirt from clitoral stimulation than internal, but it happens,” Dr. Powell says. This information goes to show that the G-spot may indeed be an extension of the clitoris, but the scientific community should still hand over the research grant money.

MYTH: “All people with vaginas can enjoy G-spot pleasure.”

Just as there is no trick to finding and enjoying G-spot pleasure, there’s no wrong or right way to enjoy the pleasure once you’ve found it. You may love the feeling of G-spot stimulation and it could change the way you have sex. Or you may experience little to no G-spot enjoyment. Or perhaps you’ll squirt for the first time and keep that move in your back pocket the next time you want to impress a date. “If you don’t like G-spot stimulation, that’s great; if you do like G-spot stimulation, that’s great. If it’s somewhere in the middle, that’s great too,” says Dr. Powell. Different strokes for different folks. Literally.

My Weird, Fun, Life-Changing Quest to Have Sex with 100 Different People

GUILLE FAINGOLDSTOCKSY

A few years ago, I uprooted my entire life on a mission to find happiness.

I had just quit a 15-year career in tech startups, moved across the country to New York, and enrolled in art school full-time. I went from spending my days (and nights) taking international conference calls and building other people's businesses to reading poetry—and building stories of my own. Serendipitously, my sweet boyfriend, James, also had a great job opportunity in New York, so we moved east together.

Outwardly, everything seemed perfect: a 47th floor apartment near Central Park with a doorman, a dog, and a beautiful man.

But one day, staring at the cardboard boxes we'd never unpacked, I realized I still wasn't happy.

I've always been a vocal feminist and a proper #GirlBoss—before it was even a thing. But in my personal life, I've had a long history of putting myself second. Moving in with James, despite my deep reservations, was only the latest example. Before him, in a different relationship, I'd ignored our sexual incompatibility—and in turn my own pleasure. I found myself unsatisfied, depressed, and 30 pounds heavier.

"I wanted to understand who I was sexually when I wasn't saddled with labels like 'girlfriend' or 'prospective wife.'

The pattern was clear: I was unable to articulate my needs in a committed relationship.

With James, I'd once again come to a place where I couldn't recognize myself. We'd essentially become roommates who never had sex anymore. We decided to separate.

Cut to a couple years later. I was still not quite ready for a long-term relationshipbut I was tired of going without—I wanted to explore sex again. And I wanted to do it with as many different people as I could without letting myself default to the familiar trap of monogamy. More to the point, I wanted to explore who I was with radically different people. And I knew I would have to go big.

So, in the same way that adventurers set off to backpack across Europe before turning 30 or climb Mount Everest before they die, I set a goal to have sex with 100 partners before my 40th birthday. Along the way, I would aim to regain control of my own happiness, and reconnect with my fleeting orgasms—I wanted to understand who I was sexually when I wasn't saddled with labels like "girlfriend" or "prospective wife."

Before we begin...

3 Things to Know About my Sexual History:

• My 20s were a blur of transactional hookups thanks to working insane hours in tech startups. Sex was an escape in between meetings and red-eyes.
• I didn't have my first orgasm until I was 31, in a committed relationship, with someone who took his time to truly discover my body.
• James was #57.

The Rules:

1. Repeats don't count.
2. Oral sex doesn't count. (More on this later.)
3. I would have to orgasm. I would never compromise on this again.

And with that, I signed up for a slew of online dating sites and was on my way.

Thinking Off: A Hands-Free Orgasm?

VIKAVALTER/ISTOCK

We can certainly think ourselves out of orgasm ("I wonder if my boss is still pissed off at me? Did I forget to shut my work computer off? Why is the cat watching us? Gahhhh!"), but can we Criss-Angel-Mindfreak ourselves into it? Barbara Carrellas, a 59-year-old New York-based sex coach, says we can.

Carrellas insists that the right combination of Kegels and breathing can bring on a hands-free orgasm, or what she calls "thinking off." While there haven't been any studies that verify Carrellas' technique, certain breathing techniques have been linked with orgasm. Salon writer Tracy Clark-Flory gave "thinking off" a shot, and did report having a "deeply in-body" experience.

However, this may have been due to hyperventilation — part of "thinking off" — which slows down activity in the brain's frontal cortex and creates an altered state of consciousness that is similar to deep meditation.

In conclusion: Conventional orgasm? No. Feeling like everything is chill because you've deprived your brain of oxygen? Yes. I'll stick to Redtube, kthx.

Earth-Shattering Answers to All Your Orgasm Questions

Q: Can using vibrators "desensitize" you, making it harder to orgasm with a partner?

A: No. They can cause impatience and frustration. When you use a vibrator, you teach what I call your "little monitor"—the discrepancy-reducing feedback loop in your brain that's aware of the effort you've made toward your goals—that orgasm should happen at the "vibrator rate." If it doesn't, you get impatient with your body, which triggers a brake in your brain and slows you down. Vibrators are awesome; you just have to be aware.

Q: Once and for all, is the G-spot real?

A: For some women, there's a spot on the interior wall of the vagina that's very pleasurable, and that's what's known as the G-spot (named after the German doctor Ernst Gräfenberg). Beverly Whipple's theory (see page 171) is that the spot is due to the swollen urethral sponge, wrapped around the urethra behind the vaginal wall. Some people say it's the crura— the internal structure of the clitoris. Some people say it's nothing.

Q: Is a vaginal orgasm "better" than a clitoral one?

A: There is only one thing: orgasm. What matters is that you wanted it, not how you got there. Clitoral stimulation is the most common way. You can orgasm through anal or breast stimulation, or simply from breathing. The pressure about orgasming via intercourse is just making men's pleasure the purpose of sex.

Q: What's up with female ejaculation?

A: Some women do and some don't. Some women's urethral sponge— an evolutionary by-product, like men's nipples— produces fluid. (It's not urine: It's like men's ejaculate, but without sperm.) When you're highly aroused, the sponge swells, and when the interior vaginal wall is pressed directly and intensely (it could feel painful, or really good), the fluid might release.

This article appears in the May issue of Marie Claire, on newsstands now.

You should also check out:

Orgasm Tips, Tricks, and Secrets You Haven't Heard

5 Sex Tips Real Sexperts Actually Use

The 5 Most Popular Vibrators Reviewed

How to Give Her an Orgasm In 15 Minutes

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Gentlemen, start her engine. Your challenge is to master the art of the 15-minute orgasm.

It can be done. Researchers at the Kinsey Institute found that some women can orgasm after 10 to 20 minutes of sex.

And aside from the instant spike in your approval ratings, there’s more sex in it for you. Research in the Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy found—somewhat unsurprisingly—that women with an increased likelihood of orgasm demanded more time between the sheets.

Work in a day of subconscious foreplay to speed your girl to the finish line. Technically, this is cheating the 15-minute timeline, but if there’s no touching it doesn’t count.

Take her to live comedy or meet up on a day she has a spinning or yoga class. This preps her for orgasm because ab exercises stimulate the vagus nerve running through her pelvis.

As the countdown draws closer, have some quiet drinks back at your place. University of Florence research found that women who drink a glass or two of red wine are more aroused. When the bottle is empty, you can set the stop watch.

Turn up her arousal even more with this Organic Arousal Balm from the Men's Health store.

Oh!-minus 15 minutes: Turn her on with kisses

Invest at least three minutes of your total 15 in kissing. Studies by Lafayette College found that kissing reduces levels of the stress hormone cortisol, quickening the time it takes to turn you both on.

As you pay lip service, tilt your head to the right—scientists in Germany found this makes you seem more caring, flooding her system with the ‘connection’ chemical oxytocin, building trust and encouraging her to come quickly.

Don’t just kiss her mouth, though. William Cane, author of The Art of Kissing, surveyed 50,000 women and 96 percent picked a peck on the neck as the perfect warm up.

But don’t overdo it. “Slide off the lips to her neck occasionally so that her neck doesn’t become desensitised,” Cane says.

Now you need to get coordinated. Each time you kiss her neck, remove another item of her clothes. Not only is this an important timesaver in your 15-minute window, but it lets you combat any body-confidence issues.

A study by the University of Cincinnati revealed that if your girl feels good when she’s naked, she’ll come sooner.

Related: 10 Things You Need to Know About the Female Orgasm

“Compliment your partner on each part of her body as you undress it,” says psychotherapist Christine Webber. “Your approval will dramatically reduce her self consciousness.”

Oh!-minus 12 minutes: Tease her with your hands

She’s almost naked now, but keep her underwear on for another minute or so.

“Stroke and caress her through the fabric rather than going for gold,” says sex therapist Paula Hall. “Focus on building anticipation rather than going straight for direct stimulation.”

Feeling that time is short prevents a woman from reaching orgasm, adds Webber. Act like you’ve got forever, but then peel off her underwear and use a strawberry-scented lube.

This Almost Naked Organic Personal Lubricant is another great lube option from the Men's Health store.

This will get her excited—and make her more sensitive. Research at the US Association for Chemical Reception Sciences found the scent of strawberries alerts the senses.

Move your fingers in slow, circular motions just inside her vagina.

Related: The 7 Sexiest Things to Do With Your Hands

“Many women need attention focused on the outer third of the vaginal canal, where the G-spot, the clitoris, and the PS-spot (opposite the G-spot) can be reached,” says Emma Taylor of the sex blog emandlo.com.

Oh!-minus 10 minutes: Perform oral sex

Cunnilingus is the most reliable route to orgasm for many women. Lou Paget, author of The Big O, recommends the following method.

“With one hand, pull up her clitoral hood,” he says. “Then lick from side to side across its base, just above her clitoris.”

Place one finger of the other hand on her perineum (the area directly below the opening of her vagina). When you can feel her pre-orgasmic contractions, you’ll know you’re in the right place.

Related: Your Ultimate Guide to Oral Sex

Oh!-minus 7 minutes: Missionary position—with a twist

A study in the Journal of Sexual Medicine clocked her average climax at seven minutes after penetration. That makes now the ideal time to climb politely aboard and start the final leg of her leg trembler.

“Avoid deep, thrusting, and instead try the Coital Alignment Technique,” says Taylor.

To do it, start in the classic missionary position, then pull back so the base of your penis rests on her clitoris.

Brace your feet against the foot of the bed and rock backwards and forwards rather than thrusting. Your penis gently massages her clitoris, which is great for her but also gives you slow, pulsating sensations that you control.

An alternative technique is sensory overload.

“Simultaneous G-spot and clitoral stimulation is far and away the fastest route to orgasm,” says Hall.

(Discover how to find her G-spot—and other erogenous zones you’ve never heard of—with How to Pleasure a Woman.)

Having her from behind is a good option for this because while you work the former, you can call up sex-toy reinforcements to take care of the latter.

Oh!-minus 1 minute: Keep doing what you’re doing

By now, your girl should be clawing at the sheets, but don’t be mistaken in thinking you need one final trick to clinch the result.

“Women hate too much chopping and changing of techniques,” says Joni Frater, co-author of Love Her Right.

“It distracts us, and takes our arousal back to the starting blocks,” Frater says.

Related: How to Tell If She’s About to Orgasm

You don’t really want to start over just before you reach the finish, do you?

“When you start doing something that causes a positive response, keep doing it, at exactly the same speed and pressure,” she says.

Save your new technique for next time. Since you’ve just orchestrated a 15-minute orgasm with shuttle-launch precision, that’s something she’ll be demanding very soon. So grab a breather and prepare for take-off—again.